The 4th Wall? What's That?
by bilaterus
Summary: We don't... really know what this is, but we hope it blows your mind. It's author vs characters in a parody about logic vs the fanfiction community. Don't say we didn't warn you... [Co-written by Blythehasfreckles.]
1. Zucchini

**Ok Blythe, it's been over a week! Finish the new chapters of your fics or I'll ruin the show's spoilers to the main characters!**

**Blythe? Hello? **

**Alright, I'm going to do it! Don't say I didn't warn you!**

Phineas walked in.

**Hi, Phineas!**

Phineas frantically searched the room for the source of the disembodied voice. "Hello? Who's there?! Hello? Did someone say something?"

**Oh my gosh it's really you! Hiii Phineasss- *cough* sorry, got a little carried away there. I'm bilaterus. I'm a huge fan.**

"Hi, Bilaterus! I'm-...eh, well I guess you already know who I am, huh? Wait, how DO you know who I am?"

**Ok firstly it's 'bilaterus'. You see the small b? I tend not to capitalise it. Oh but if you want to you can capitalise it, that's totally cool!**

"Ooookayyyy..."

**I watch your show a lot.**

"My show? Hm.. I don't recall being on TV as of recent... I mean, I had a show for one day this summer, but it for some mysterious reason shrank to ant-size. Long story, I guess. Oh! Then there was this one time when my brother Ferb and I built this animation studio..."

Hiiiiii Guys! :D

**Blythe, there you are. **

**Oh 'Ferb TV'? I loved that episode! And I've not seen the animation studio one for ages- wait, I was supposed to be doing something, right?**

"Where exactly am I?"

You're in our dimension, Phineas! :D

"Who are you?"

BlytheHasFreckles, but you can just call me Blythe!

**She's crazy. Ignore her.**

Urgh, bilaterus! I am not crazy, I'm...different.

**Crazyyy. Anyway, Blythe, start writing or I'll tell Phineas that Perry is a secret agent!**

Go ahead. Tell him. He won't believe you.

"Perry? A secret agent? Haha! That's a good one! He's a platypus. They don't do much."

**..I'll come back to that. Wait, I know! I'll tell him about his kiss :p**

Again: go ahead!

"What kiss?"

**I could force him to believe it you know.**

"I don't remember kissing anyone-"

**Seriously Blythe. if you don't want him ruined for everyone, you should give up now :)**

Go ahead, bub. Tell him! Isabella might appreciate it.

"What might I appreciate?" Everyone turned toward the left side of the room. Standing in the doorway was Isabella herself, clad in pink and her signature fireside girl smile.

Ferb appeared too.

"Wait, how'd Ferb get here?" Phineas asked.

**I inserted him. Sue me. I'm not concentrating right now, and I wanted him in the scene just cause... hey, don't change the subject! The important thing is you're all in my domain!**

Ferb shrugged.

"Uh... okay, dude..." said Phineas, stepping away slowly.

"Who is everyone talking to? Where are those voices coming from?" asked a concerned Isabella.

bilaterus is trying to force creativity outta me. Meanie!

"Wait, there are two of them?! Phineas-"

"Whoa, wait a minute! You can't just force creativity! Creativity comes from inspiration! Creativity should be something that comes to you when you aren't looking for it!"

See? Phineas gets it!

**Ugh.**

Suddenly the walls were covered in zucchini.

**Ha! You don't like zucchini, it's your weakness!**

"How do you even know that?" Phineas asked, somewhat taken aback.

Because he's creepy. Hehe.

**I am not!**

Are too!

**You're equally creepy, then!**

No I'm not...*puts binoculars away*

"So.. what exactly are we doing here?" Isabella asked.

**Eh, I was going to say things like 'you love Phineas' and 'you kissed him after you went to the 2nd Dimension' and stuff. But noooo, Blythe's trying to spoil my fun.**

There was a moment of silence as the three children exchanged glances, each of them more confused than the other.

"...um...You're kidding, right?" Phineas looked at Isabella, who smiled uneasily. "...he's kidding, right?"

"I...can't really tell. I mean, I can't see him...or her either..."

"He sounds British," Ferb observed.

**Yes, it is true, I'm British! And I'm also 100% trustworthy.**

**Ok I summoned you all here against your will, but come on. It's not like you guys were doing anything. Right?**

"Actually, I was in the middle of asking Phineas if he wanted to-"

"Nope. We weren't doing anything, right Ferb?"

Ferb shook his head. Isabella sighed, visibly peeved. "Of course not."

**See? Isabella is 'visibly peeved', it says so right there!**

"...Where exactly?"

**Wait, you guys can't see all of this?"**

"See what?"

"And you still haven't explained where we are!" Isabella exclaimed hotly, trying to draw attention away from what'd just been happening.

I think we're the only two who can see the text, honey.

**I suppose so. Fine then. Back to the key point here. Isabella looooves you Phineas!**

"Well, of course! We've known each other since we were really little! Why wouldn't she?"

Isabella's face reddened at this comment, a smile breaking over her lips. "Really? Does that mean you love me too?!"

"Of course!"

Isabella rejoiced inside. "Oh Phineas! I always knew that somewhere inside you, you-"

"You're like a sister to me!"

Oooooh. Ouch. Sibling-zoned!

**Curse you Blythe and your annoyingly good understanding of Phineas and Isabella. You ruined my attempt to cause tension between them!**

Go ahead and write more, dear. You look like you want to!

**I want Phineas to explain what he thinks love is. Oooh, I could just ask him!**

"Ask me what love is? Well... I've never really thought about it. Hm... Ferb, make a note!"

**Oh don't worry, I'll be writing a fanfic about when you try to capture 'love' scientifically. You know, eventually.**

"A fanfic?" Phineas asked, confused. "Oh, you mean like those stories that Irving writes about us?"

"Those are wrong on so many levels," Ferb commented.

**Yeah pretty much.**

"So... does that mean we're in one of those 'fanfic' things right now?" Isabella asked curiously.

**Wait, you're not supposed to know that!**

Well you told them, dummy.

**I'd better fix this then.**

Isabella promptly forgot what she had just said.

**There.**

"Why do I get the feeling I just forgot something?" Isabella asked, perplexed as ever.

**That's the spirit!**

"Woah, wait!" Phineas exclaimed. "You can make us do things just by writing it? That's-"

As a matter of fact, we can! You see-...

**Quiet honey, Phineas is talking.**

URGH! Men! Am I right, Isabella?

"Oh yeah. I know what you mean."

**Er, I mean, go on. Ehehe.**

Well now I don't wanna talk anymore. :P

**I know you will.**

Noooooooo I wooooon't

"Yeah, you totally should!" Phineas said emphatically.

Then he looked around, as if coming out of a trance. "I didn't mean to say that! I knew it! You can make us do whatever you want while we're in this 'fanfic', can't you?"

**He's on to us! Blythe, halp!**

**Oh look at meeee. I'm bilaterus and I think Blythe is just going to speak whenever I want her to speak because I'm charming and sexy and British. See, bilaterus? I'm mocking you in YOUR font.**

**Oh come on Blythe. You can't use MY font! That's against the rules isn't it?**

**Pfft! What rules? Oh, I'm bilaterus and I make up imaginary rules!**

Ok, I'm using YOUR font then! Oh look at me, I'm Blythe and I'm a smelly giiirl. Want some aloe vera for that BURN?

**WHY YOU-! I SMELL LIKE LILACS, THANK YOU!**

"So...I think they're fighting..." Isabella whispered to the brothers."I feel like we're intruding,"

"Hmm.. intruding..." Phineas's face lit up as an idea evolved from her words, "Ferb! I know how we're gonna get out of here! We just have to execute this plan while they're still occupied!"

**Look at meeee! I'm British and I like math and put "u's" in unnecessary places and replace "z's" with "s's" at inappropriate times! And I also put ONE space after punctuation instead of two!**

"Yeah, they're occupied."

Blythe, I do NOT sound like that! And the 'u's are totally necessary! And 'z's are supposed to be uncommon! And two spaces is... it's just outdated!

"Yeah... we're just going to leave," Phineas stated, as they backed out of the door. Which was still covered in zucchini.

You guys aren't going anywhere!

The door slammed shut.

"Alright, it's official: I'm freaked out!" whispered Isabella.

"It's okay, Isabella. We'll be out of here in just a second!"

WHY ARE YOU FREAKED OUT ANYWAY? THIS IS A PERFECTLY FUN AND SAFE ENVIRONMENT!

**Calm down, bilaterus, dear. Shhhh.**

Unbeknown to the two writers, Ferb and Phineas had secretly been tinkering with some parts they inexplicably had with them, and now held between them a strange device which buzzed with energy.

"Alright, time for plan B! Our fanfic-immuniser is ready! Here, Isabella, grab on!"

Darn it!

bilaterus tried to wrestle it out of the kids' hands as the device buzzed even more actively.

"That won't work! You're just a disembodied narrative voice!" Isabella exclaimed.

NO! STOP! CONFOUND IT!

"But not for long! Here we go, guys!" Phineas pressed firmly and held a button that flashed on the device. They suddenly disappeared!

**Haha! Oh, hey! Look! Now I can see all the text! Isabella, can you see this?**

Yeah! I got the underlined text! What about you, Ferb?

**I got both bold and underlined, it appears.**

Wow... this is cool! Wait, does this mean...?

**Yes. Yes it does.**

"Hello? Wait, where am I?" squeaked Blythe, looking around at the walls on every side of her. "How did I-? What's happening?!"

"You've got to be kidding me," bilaterus said, sighing.

"...It smells like zucchini in here. Oh my gosh, it's everywhere!"

"Hang on, I'll fix it," bilaterus said confidently. "Then the zucchini coating the walls suddenly vanished."

Nothing happened.

**Nuh uh. Doesn't work like that.**

"Well how DOES it work then?!"

bilaterus frowned.

"Wait what? We can't even make unnecessary emoticons?"

Nope.

"Ah, fiddlesticks!"

"So wait, does this mean... Phineas, Ferb and Isabella can control what WE say and do?" bilaterus said slowly, fearing the answer.

**Yes. Yes we can.**

"Well technically we can write Phineas and Ferb and Isabella writing us," bilaterus clarified, mainly to himself. "Because well, they're not real and we are... Ok my head hurts. Is there even a term for what we're doing? We've long since broken the 4th wall. I didn't even know there were any more to break!"

"Is this even a fanfic anymore?!"

"Well from here it's not fans writing fiction of the characters... it's the characters writing fiction of the fans!

"That can only mean it's... ficfan!"

Blythe gasped, "no!"

**Well, you guys are saying most of that stuff yourself without our influence. But I think it's time we stepped in too. Isabella?**

I'm on it! This is payback for earlier!

bilaterus hugged Blythe. Really tight.

"What?"

They couldn't stop hugging each other even though bilaterus was trying desperately to break free from Blythe's grip.

**Nice one Isabella!**

"Dang it Isabella! Argh!"

Blythe whimpered at the sudden embrace, "M-my...chest! Ow ow ow owwww!"

"I'm not built for hugging!" yelped bilaterus, struggling to free himself, "I'm really bony and thin!"

"He really is! A-and my body is just way too sexy!"

**Eh. Isabella was being merciful.**

**Merciful? What do you mean, Ferb? :D**

He means I could be much more suggestive than- Oh my gosh! Phineas made a smilie! We can type little emoticons! :) They're so cute! Hey Phineas, whatcha dooin'? :P

**Hey Isabella. We're having fun with some 'fanfic writers' :P**

**Do you know what ":P" means?**

**No. No I don't. But it looks cool :P**

Oh Phineas...

"Ahaha, look at them Blythe." bilaterus said, grinning despite his awkward pose. "They're so adorable!"

"I know, right?! So adorable!"

…Don't make me write something about you two that's worse than-

"Okay, okay! Sorry!" shrieked Blythe.

"Well, you are just a little girl in a kid's show, and you're about 10 by canon. What's the worst you could do?" bilaterus said, defiantly.

What's the worst I can do, you ask?

"...U-uh...bilaterus...you probably shouldn't have said that..."

bilaterus realised his folly."Ah, never mind, never mind! Oh, we're, eheh, still hugging. Mind fixing that, Isabella?"

Oh, sure, I'll help :D

All of a sudden, the floor shifted from beneath them, becoming a wall hovering above their heads.

"bilaterus, I feel...different..."

Just as that happened, they realized they were standing on ceiling planks. It didn't take them long to realize what had happened: they were dangling upside-down.

"Haha, nice one Isabella," bilaterus said, chuckling forcedly. "Ok ok, that's enough now. Let us down now?"

There was no response. They remained glued to the ceiling.

"...Ferb? Phineas? Oh come on! Ferb, help a British brother out! Don't just leave us here!"

"Isabella! Hello? Let us down, please?" pleaded Blythe. "...Isabella?"

**Sorry you guys. Mom's making hot chocolate! See ya!**

Enjoy hanging upside down for a bit!

"Wait! Wait, come back! Oh, rats!" Blythe sighed, the tangles of her auburn hair falling over her eyes. She drew a breath in and tried blowing the strands away from her face. "This was all your idea, y'know..." she grumbled indirectly to bilaterus.

"Yeah well it's no picnic for me either. Not that I don't like hugging you. Not that I like hugging you in that way, exactly, I... argh, someone let us down from here!"

"What are you trying to say? That I'm un-huggable?!" huffed the distressed American.

"I- no- well-" bilaterus tried in vain to string together a sentence, becoming increasingly flustered as the seconds passed and Blythe's distressed glare made him more and more uncomfortable.

"What, then? Hmm? Spit it out!" she ordered impatiently. She was having trouble trying to determine whether the redness of his face had to do with hanging upside-down, or their close proximity. Nevertheless, this wasn't a cakewalk for her either.

"H- how did this turn into an awkward scene between the two of US, anyway? It was supposed to be an awkward scene between Phineas and Isabella or Phineas and Perry or something!"

Blythe gasped, "It's Isabella's doing! Isabella!"

"But wait," bilaterus said, scrunching up his face in thought. "Aren't WE the ones writing what Isabella's doing to us?"

There was a pause as the question/statement sunk in. "Ugh," bilaterus groaned. "My head is really starting to hurt. And being dangled from the ceiling certainly doesn't help."

"Wait... if we're writing all this, does this mean-...OH NO!"

Suddenly, gravity kicked back in and the two plunged back down to the floor, each of them landing safely -albeit abruptly- on what used to be a makeshift ceiling.

"Whew, I'm glad that's over," bilaterus said, sighing in relief as he stretched his arms. "And not that I'm questioning what you did to get us back on the ground or anything, but you know that made, like, no sense, right?"

"Oh yeah, totally. But hey, I wrote it. This entire story is supposed to make absolutely no sense."

bilaterus smiled. "I think it does makes sense. In its own twisted way."

There was another awkward moment as they looked at each other, wondering how to end the ficfan.

"You know, I'm kinda used to the smell of the zucchini now," bilaterus said.

Yup. That would do.

Then they both submitted this story for the world to be utterly confused by.


	2. Straitjacket

**Blythehasfreckles: We STILL don't know what the heck this is, but enjoy chapter 2!**

**bilaterus: I suppose it's a ficfan... whatever that means.**

* * *

"So..." bilaterus said slowly. "We're still in this weird zucchini-room. And you're sick." He started edging away slowly from her, trying to inconspicuously cover his mouth with his sleeve.

Blythe caught on to this suspicious gesture, hands held at her hips, giving him an intimidating glare. "What? Are you trying to make a statement or something? What are you doing that for?"

"No reason," bilaterus said, his voice muffled by the sleeve.

Naturally, she didn't believe him. His tone was too high for him to be telling her the truth.

"bilaterus...tell me."

"I... I don't want to catch your germs," he mumbled quietly.

"What was that?"

"I don't want to catch your germs, ok!"

At this, Blythe furrowed her eyebrows in distemperment, "I don't have a cold. It's just my allergies! I thought we went over this!"

"Yeah well... better safe than sorry!"

"I'm not sick," she said, moving toward him, "but if I was, I would breathe all over you."

bilaterus backed up further in fright, his back hitting the zucchini-covered wall. "No! I can't afford to get sick!"

"Too late! Now I think I'll just cough all over you for the fun of it!"

"Nooo!"

Ewwww. That's gross!

Blythe searched the empty air for the new voice in the conversation, "Isabella? Is that you?"

"Oh thank goodness you're here Isabella," bilaterus said, sighing in relief. "Look what Blythe's about to do! She's always like this, you know. Do something to punish her!"

*Puts arms on hips* What am I, your mother?

"Do something to her... please?"

What is it you want me to do to her?

"I don't know, make her dangle from the ceiling!"

Been there, done that.

"Make her, er, turn really really small so her voice is all high-pitched and funny!"

*Sigh*

**Ah, that hot chocolate was awesome. It feels like we've been gone for days, though!**

**How weird. **

**What's going on, Isabella?**

These two are fighting. Again.

**Over what?**

Something stupid. Again.

"It's not stupid! He's being a twit!" accused Blythe.

"A twit?" bilaterus said, scoffing indignantly. "You're the one coughing your allergy-germs all over me!"

"Whiner!"

"Meanie!"

"Tattle-tale!"

"Oh, I'M the tattle-tale?"

Will both of you be quiet?! You're kinda spamming the page with your little fight.

**I don't think they can see this page. **

**Yeah, Ferb's right. Remember what it was like for us when we were in the fanfic-thing?**

Oh yeah.

"Hello Phineas," bilaterus said unusually timidly, as if awed by their presence. "And Ferb and Isabella. What's up?"

Blythe huffed, staring vengefully at her fellow writer and mumbling something barely coherent. "...Whining...British...baby..."

"I heard that! You whining... American... girl!"

Her response wasn't of words, but of slow, sarcastic claps. "Bravo."

"At least... At least I'm not fat!"

Suddenly everything went still.

Oh no he di'n't!

**Oh dear.**

**Ferb, Blythe looks really mad...**

bilaterus instantly realised his folly as Blythe's face flushed red with rage. He tried to desperately to dash for the nearest exit.

You aren't going anywhere!

Blythe was suddenly armed with a giant mallet.

You get him, girl!

**Isabella, why did you write that?**

Because ANY man who calls a woman fat deserves a good mallet to the head!

"Argh! Guys, she'll pound my face in! Save me!"

Nah. Don't feel like it.

Enraged, Blythe bolted after him, mallet raised and poised for pounding, "GET BACK HERE, BEANPOLE!"

"The mallet suddenly disappeared! The mallet suddenly disappeared!" bilaterus screamed in vain. It did nothing, of course. "Dangit, only the writers can do that!"

Get 'im, get 'im, get 'im!

**Don't encourage her, Isabella! Violence is not the answer! She could really hurt him!**

**Actually any violence in a K-rated fic like this one is comical at worst, and he would sustain no serious injuries. Such injuries are usually hinted at by casts and bandages over the appropriate areas.**

"Cartoonish violence or not, I don't want to be beaten mercilessly with a mallet by a girl! it's going to hurt!"

Blythe caught the back of his shirt, forcefully tugging it back, and raised the mallet to deal the first blow.

"Blythe, I don't really think you're 'fat', I really think you're perfect just the way you are!" bilaterus cried in desperation. "In fact you're beautiful, on the inside and the outside, and you should never change no matter what people say about you!"

Argh, Phineas! Why did you write that!

**I had no choice! He's going to get beaten up!**

She lowered the mallet slightly, hesitating, "Y-...you really mean it?"

"Actually... you could do with laying off the chocolates."

"Why you LITTLE!-"

What followed was a full minute of furious mallet-mashing and pure uncontrollable rage as Blythe wrecked every part of bilaterus's body that she could get at, leaving him lying in a heap.

"Totally worth it," bilaterus groaned weakly.

After her rampage, Blythe tossed the heavy mallet toward the other side of the room and went to sit in the far corner in a tight ball, leaning her head against a part of the concrete brick that wasn't completely covered in zucchini.

**Anyone mind if I change the zucchini wall thing now? It's kind of weird.**

I don't mind whatever you do, :)

The walls suddenly had no more zucchini.

Wow. Excellent work, Phineas. =_=

**Thanks! :D**

...

"Blythe, you ok?" bilaterus said, hobbling over to her corner and asking with as much dignity as possible when you are covered head to toe in bandages and your entire body is in pain.

"Leave me alone..." mumbled Blythe, scooting herself toward a different corner of the room.

"I won't, until I cheer you up again," bilaterus said resolutely. "No matter how painful it is..." he hobbled over to her again, while trying not to wince, and offered a hug.

She did as she had before, moving her body to a different corner of the room to avoid his embrace, "Maybe I don't want you to cheer me up after you called me fat not even five minutes ago!"

"I didn't mean that, at all," bilaterus said, seeming to gain more strength in his speech. "But you know what I did mean? The part I said after. I'd flashback to it but, well, you wouldn't be able to see it..."

"Yeah, yeah... You only said that because I was going to beat you up."

"Oh really?" bilaterus inched closer to her and kneeled down to look at her level in the eyes. She stared back into his. "You're beautiful. Don't change for anyone."

Blythe's girlish nature left nothing for her but to blush at his words.

"You know what, here," he said, smiling faintly as he offered her half a Kit Kat and sat leaning against the wall beside her. "Let's eat some chocolate together."

She sheepishly partook of said gift, chewing it as quietly as she could to avoid showing the euphoria she truly felt whenever she ate chocolate.

Thanks for the chocolate Ferb, bilaterus thought happily.

...Thanks for the mallet earlier, Isabella, thought Blythe sinisterly.

**Aww, that was so sweet! Well Ferb, if we ever see a girl miserable, we'll know how to cheer her up! **

**Chocolate is the way to every girl's heart.**

No! It's not that simple, it's-...yeah, I guess you're right. 

Then the walls were made out of chocolate cake.

Phineas!

**What? I like chocolate cake! :D**

"You could've warned us before turning the walls into gooey chocolate," bilaterus said, peeling his back away from the wall and grimacing slightly at the uncomfortable texture.

Blythe could barely contain herself, leaping up from the floor and digging into the wall made of the cocoa pastry, "Chocolate! Chocolate everywhere!"

Phineas...I...I don't think this is a very good idea...

**But look how happy it's making her!**

The truth was that Blythe had passed mere happiness - she had slipped into a chocolate paradise, and she felt pure bliss as everything else swam out of view. But her total ecstasy was indistinguishable from sheer madness. She was a maniacal force to behold as bits of chocolate were sent flying in her mad quest to consume as much chocolate as was physically possible.

"Blythe, shouldn't you, ah, go a little slower?"

Her english was barely recognizable as she scarfed down the chocolatey walls, "don't make me get the mallet again!"

"Ok, ok! Have as much as you like!" bilaterus said quickly. "And I think I'll have some too..." He took some on his finger and licked it tentatively.

"Ick. Dark chocolate."

Suddenly, Blythe bit her own finger in her chocolate frenzy, "Ow! Urgh, what gives?"

"Blythe! Are you ok?!"

"Yeah, I just bit my finger..." she whimpered, "I guess I...wasn't watching where I was biting... More!"

**We have to do something!**

Blythe's finger was bandaged instantly (and inexplicably) but before she could react, she was wrapped in a straitjacket.

Phineas!

**I- I panicked, ok? Besides, this way she can't hurt herself...**

"Psst, bilaterus," whispered Blythe, "do you think Phineas and the rest are becoming overwhelmed with being co-writers?"

"It sorta looks that way," he whispered back. "Keeping characters safe is difficult, and a big responsibility. Actually it's something that you like to disregard at times too but, you know, whatever."

"Hey! I do NOT disregard the safety of-...okay, fine. Maybe I do..."

"Like the time you broke Phineas's nose," bilaterus said smiling. "Ah, memories."

"That...that was for comic effect!"

You did WHAT?

**Woah, Isabella-**

"IBrokePhineas'sNoseInOneOfMyFanFictionsButReallyI t'sNotThatBigOfADealIPromise!"

Immediately a large mallet appeared in bilaterus's hand and he advanced threateningly towards Blythe.

"Argh! Why am I doing that!?" cried bilaterus, his face shifting instantly from being threatening to being frightened, while he still advanced. "It's not me, really! It must be one of the writers making me do it!"

Blythe began to run for her life. Well, as much as she could in a straitjacket.

**Wait, you don't need arms to run, how would a straitjacket hinder a person's running...?**

**Have you ever tried to run in a straitjacket?**

**Well no, I- wait, bro, have YOU ever had to run in a straightjacket?**

**…**

**Ferb? **

"bilaterus! Stop chasing me around with that thing!"

"I don't want to, really! Every step is still painful for me! Ow, ow, ow..."

He then stopped abruptly. "And I mean, not to put too fine a point on it but you did beat me up pretty badly, you know? I mean seriously, I can barely walk without pain, let alone chase you around! And now you kinda know how I felt earlier..."

Back to chasing the nose-breaker!

bilaterus continued to chase Blythe around the room, the former wincing loudly in pain and the latter screaming in fear along the way.

"Let me explain, Isabella!" Blythe said desperately.

**Isabella! Would you stop with the mallet already?!**

THE BLOOD OF THE NOSE-BREAKER MUST BE SHED

**Would you like some chocolate?**

HER BLOOD MUST BE- wait what? YOU'RE offering ME chocolate?

**Well, yeah! **

Oh my gosh! *Squeee* Thanks Phineas! *noms the delicious chocolate Phineas gave her* 

You know, I really do love you...

**What?**

The chocolate! I meant the chocolate!

Suddenly, the mallet and the straightjacket disappeared.

"Whew!" huffed Blythe after an extended time spent running, "thanks, guys!" She carefully peered around the room in wonderment, "Oh! Yay! The chocolate walls are still here!"

The chocolate walls suddenly became brick again right as Blythe was poised to take a bite.

CRUNCH!

"AIIYYEEE!"

"Blythe!"

**Isabella!**

**Ferb.**

Phineas! Did you think I was just going to forget about what she did to your nose in one of her fanfictions?

"My teeth! My wonderful, perfect teeth!"

"And here I thought the weirdness of this ficfan reached its peak when you were in a straitjacket, Isabella was trying to kill you and the walls were made of chocolate," bilaterus observed. "But now you're biting into a brick wall too."

"Can it, British boy!" muttered Blythe, her words muffled by her hands as they covered her mouth.

"Well, we're both in pain now," bilaterus smirked. "At least, because I'm British, I can still be cool despite it hurting to move."

Suddenly, Blythe was completely healed and no longer in pain.

"Huh...it seems as though the same applies to Ferb! Thanks, Ferb!"

***gives thumbs up***

"You heal her instantly but leave me to suffer through half the ficfan?" bilaterus complained.

**Anything for the ladies.**

"See? Ferb likes me better." Blythe snidely remarked.

"Urgh, women. Am I right, Phineas?"

**I'm not sure I understand the question...**

"I better be healed by the next chapter," bilaterus grumbled. "And it can't come soon enough... Blythe? Your turn for a witty ending."

The two of them stood in the empty room, looking for something else to happen. Waiting for something - anything - to change. A minute passed.

"Um...Phineas? Ferb? Isabella?" said Blythe into the empty space, "...witty ending for a chapter? Any ideas?"

….

"...guys?"

"Actually," smiled bilaterus, "that'll do."


	3. Fibonacci

**bilaterus: thanks for the reviews, guys :) we're glad you like it.**

**BlytheHasFreckles: If you're reading this, you've waded through the craziness enough to read chapter three! Hope we aren't giving you guys too much of a headache!**

* * *

The evening was young in the still prison, but its two inhabitants were left without activity, without a way out, completely colored black and white, and worst of all, in the presence of one another.  
"Urgh. I'm...so...bored!" yelled Blythe in anguish, "I need something to do! I'm going to drive myself insane!"

"My company isn't THAT bad!" bilaterus objected.

"...Hello?! Is anyone up there? ...er, anywhere? Wherever?" she called out. Taking a stone she found from the floor, she chucked it at the ceiling to see if it bettered their situation, which it didn't. She heaved another sigh of bewilderment, "of course not. We're doomed to an afternoon of boredom."

"I'm sitting right here. And believe it or not I do have feelings. Calling me boring..."

"Well then what do you do for fun? I'm dying for some kind of entertainment! I'm sick of braiding my hair all day."

bilaterus' eyes suddenly lit up. "I know what we can do!"

"What? What is it?!" interjected Blythe, shifting her weight to her knees on the ground.

"We can... factorize polynomials!"

There was a pause. Blythe took a moment, then blinked, "...um...excuse me?"

"You know, solve quadratics. x squared + bx + c = 0 ?"

"You're kidding, right? Tell me you're kidding!" she picked up another pebble from the floor and began drawing with it against the concrete.

"Ok, maybe that's not everyone's cup of tea," bilaterus said hastily. "How about we play around with the Fibonacci Sequence? That always passes the time for me!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Blythe spotted another pebble and tossed it over to him, "here. knock yourself out, bub. You can write with it."

"No it's really interesting! See, each term is made of the ones before it added together, so the series begins 1, 1, 2, 3, 5..."

"Um...h-hold up, I don't see a pattern here yet-"

"And it gets really interesting when you consider the nth term..." bilaterus grabbed the rock and started excitedly scribbling on the floor with it, producing lines of increasing perplexity as he babbled away unintelligibly.

"um...bilaterus..." murmured Blythe, intimidated by the mathematician's incessant chatter and hand-drawn hieroglyphics against the floor of the prison, "slow down, please?"

He continued, seemingly oblivious to her objection.

"bilaterus..."

He looked up to see her perplexed expression. "Oh? Doesn't it make sense?"

"...and if I said no...?"

His face was unreadable. "Then we'd simply have to go through each step until it did. Even if it took hours and hours and hours..."

Blythe's eyes widened at his remark, backing up, "no...no! You can't make me!"

"What's the matter? Come here and we'll do some beautiful and elegant mathematics..."

As bilaterus came closer, she backed up more and more until her back was against the wall. There was nowhere left to turn, "Stay away! Mathematics make me break out in hives! I can't- OW!"

She glanced down at her fingernails, curious as to what had happened to cause a pinch at the tip of her pointer finger. She huffed at the sight of a newly chipped nail and glared up at him sourly, "Argh! Look what you did! You made me break a nail!"

"I- I didn't mean to!" bilaterus insisted.

"Oh, great! Now my french manicure has to be redone. And look! Now my hands are coated in dust from the floor! And so is my dress! Ick!" she complained, hastily rising to her feet and sweeping dust off the patterned fabric.

"...What?"

Blythe babbled on about her girlish dilemmas, "and would you just look at my hair! Gosh, how long have we been in this room? I need to re-condition my hair before I look like I have dreadlocks! Urgh, the humidity is already starting to frizz my hair...and would you look at my shoes! These Mary Jane flats have taken such a beating! The leather can't withstand these conditions!"

"I don't know what any of those words mean," bilaterus said. "Oh, except frizz. Hehe, 'Izzy's got the frizzies.'"

Did somebody call me for something?

"Thank goodness! Isabella! I need your help!"

Um...sure. What's the matter?

"Couldn't we please at least get a dehumidifier in this room or something? My hair is totally puffing and frizzing! You know how it is..."

Oh, of course! *puts a dehumidifier in the room* Humidity makes my hair ridiculously frizzy!

"Right? My gosh, it's like a curse!"

"Yeah we've both seen the episode," bilaterus said, sticking out a tongue.

Blythe sighed, "boys obviously don't get it. They don't have to maintain a decent hairstyle like we girls do, right Izzy?"

It's a blessing and a curse.

**Hi guys! Whatcha doooin?**

*Sigh* Hi Phineas! :D

"We were just talking about how wretched humidity can be on a gal's hair. But I take it you don't know what I mean, given you're a boy!"

"'Boys rule girls drool'," bilaterus quoted solemnly.

"And what exactly do you mean by that, hm?" protested Blythe.

"Well, I deduce it means that boys rule and girls drool."

Blythe rolled her eyes at his ignorant remark, "Oh please! Every knows men would be completely lost without women."

**Hey, that's not necessarily true!**

"And are you really arguing with the sagely wisdom of whoever wrote that message on the primary school 3rd year class whiteboard at the beginning of that day's lesson?"

"Yes, I am! The person who said that obviously was 1. a boy and 2. uneducated."

Yeah!

"Sure," bilaterus scoffed. "I'll bet you think it was just some random little kid's scribbles too, rather than the words some mystic that had pondered over the different genders for his entire mortal life."

"That sounds highly implausible. If that was even remotely true, I doubt said 'mystic' would word his findings so ignorantly."

**Perhaps they are indeed the words of a great sage.**

Ferb! How could you say that?!

**How can we know for sure? How can we know anything for sure? What if we can spend our entire life struggling for answers and never reach them until the end...**

**Wow. That was philosophical, Ferb. You don't really think that do you? :P**

**Not really. I wonder what 3rd year wrote this?**

Please don't encourage him. =_=

"Of course a BOY would say this kind of thing," Blythe filed her chipped fingernail against the fine brick wall, "boys are so immature..."

"Like girls are faultless too," bilaterus smirked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ooh, I'm a giiiirl," bilaterus mocked, in a high-pitched tone. "I like to... do... girl stuff!"

"See? Boys are so dumb, they can't even eloquently make fun of girls!"

**Come to think of it Ferb, what girl stuff DO girls do? Isabella, could you tell us?**

Oh, eheh, you know... nothing really...

"Nothing you boys would understand..." teased Blythe.

_So then I was like, "Um, hello? My hair is NOT a gross "auburn brown-red mix! It's totally strawberry blonde!" and you know what she said? Yeah, she's like, "I'm sorry, we don't have that color in our inventory!" Sales clerks are so-! Urgh, I know, right? I mean, is it too much to ask for a girl to have a least ONE time when she can find accessories to match her hair? I mean, really! I'm so-...Stacy, I'm gonna have to call you back..._

_Okay, what are you two up to THIS time?!_

**Oh, hi Candace! We're just having a discussion with our author friends about the battle of the genders!**

_Author friends? What do you mean, 'author friends?' _

**See them? There in that little concrete room! Guys, this is my sister Candace!**

"Oh my gosh! Hi, Candace!"

"Oh great, now we're not even in control of who can come and write this ficfan," bilaterus complained. "Who's next? Buford? Baljeet? IRVI-"

Blythe slapped a hand over his mouth, "don't...jinx...it."

_What are they doing in that little room? Who even are they?_

**Well, they were originally fan fiction writers who decided to break the fourth wall and communicate with their characters. But then Ferb and I invented-**

_Yeah, yeah, you invented something that does something impossible. Not news._

**So long story short, we switched places with the authors and now we're the authors and they're the characters!**

_Great. Now not only do you do the impossible, but it also makes ZERO SENSE WHATSOEVER?_

"How did you even get here anyway, Candace?" bilaterus asked curiously. "I mean... my head hurts just thinking about it."

"Of all the things that could hurt your head about our situation, THAT'S what does it?"

"Well actually I have no idea why we're inexplicably colored in plain black and white. But it looks like we all rolled with it."

**We were just talking about whether boys are better than girls!**

And how that's completely untrue!

_You BET it's untrue! You'd have to be out of your mind to think that!_

"Objection!" bilaterus declared loudly. "You guys proved that 'girls beat boys' when you did the 'F' Games!"

"See? Proof. Girls beat boys. Always."

**Well, to be fair, that was in an athletic competition.**

**That's true, Ferb. Looks like we need to hold an intellectual competition as well: the F Games 2!**

bilaterus subconsciously looked down at the floor, which was still covered in mathematics. Blythe promptly shook her head.

"Oh no...no, no, no! Don't even think about it!"

"Think about what?" he asked innocently.

"I'm not competing against you in mathematics!"

**Well there are a lot of forms of intellect but math WOULD be a big part of it...**

Girls can be just as good as boys at math!

_Yeah! In fact, we can be better at it!_

"Isabella...Candace... don't do this to me..."

We can prove it!

_Yeah!_

"Yeah... it'll be kinda unfair," bilaterus admitted. "I study maths at university, whereas Blythe..." he turned to face her as she stared puzzled at an expression on the floor. "She's not 'mathematically inclined'. So it wouldn't be fair. As much as I'd like to wipe the floor with her." he stuck his tongue out once more.

A part of her wanted to disagree with him, but she knew that doing so would mean a challenge she wouldn't be able to win. She stared blankly at the floor, "I hate it when he's right. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it-...wait, what do you mean you'd 'wipe the floor with me?!'"

**I think he meant he'd ultimately win if-**

"I know what he means! That was a rhetorical question!" She turned to him, arms crossed over her chest, "Are you saying you think you're smarter than me?"

"Well yeah- wait no I- argh!"

"You ARE! How dare you!" she reprimanded, "I can do whatever I put my mind to, mister mathematician!"

"I'm sure you can..." bilaterus said slyly, edging away from her.

"As long as it's not maths."

She swiped at him, but he was now out of arm's reach. "I COULD do maths if I really wanted to, which I don't! ….I have more important things to worry myself over."

"Like 'your nails'?"

"Yes, like my-...NO! No, that's not what I-! Why, you-!"

_Wow, they fight like a couple. So... are they like, going out, or?_

bilaterus did a spit-take. Somehow. Despite not having any fluid in his mouth.

"WHAT?"

**I'm not sure, actually.**

I don't think they mentioned it.

**Nope.**

"What...?! Where did THAT come from?!" Blythe managed to exclaim, her face flushing. From anger, probably.

_I 'unno. Figured I'd ask. They sure do flirt a lot... _

"No!" bilaterus said emphatically. "We aren't a couple, or in a relationship, or anything! We've not even met in real life - I live in the UK, and Blythe lives in the US. We're just two friends that know each other through the internet and write a few fanfictions together!"

_Riiiight. I totally believe you. You're more transparent than Isabella._

Hey!

'**Transparent'?**

"Oh please. What gave you any idea that me and him could be an item?! We're complete opposites and never agree on anything!"

"Exactly!" bilaterus exclaimed. "Well we agree on this one thing to avoid having to work around a logical paradox. But other than this one thing we disagree about everything!"

_Yeah, uh huh..._

"You've just been reading too much Cosmos Magazine!" scoffed Blythe.

_Well I see why you guys have been doing this. These 'author' people are hilarious! _

**Yeah, it's fun!**

**Totally.**

You should've seen them hanging from the ceiling!

_Wait a minute! How were they hanging from the ceiling?_

Easy! All you have to do is write it! Watch!

bilaterus' face fell immediately as the reality of what was about to happen dawned upon him. "Oh... oh please no..."

Blythe caught on too. "No, no! Wait-"

Suddenly, the floor shifted from under them. Before they knew it, they were dangling from the ceiling for the second time since their imprisonment.

"At least we're not hugging awkwardly this time Blythe, right?" bilaterus ventured.

"I was going to say that!" she replied, laughing. "Actually it's kinda relaxing now that we've done it before."

_Ahahaha! Isabella, let me try!_

Go ahead :P Write whatever you want them to do.

Without warning, bilaterus took Blythe's hand.

_Hehehehehe..._

"I didn't do that!" bilaterus insisted, trying to pull away from Blythe's hand. But as much as he tugged, their hands were inseparable. After a moment of resisting, he pulled her close, placed his free hand on her waist.. and suddenly the two were waltzing.

Aw, they look so cute together!

**Now that's romance!**

"Wait, this is-! ...huh. Not so bad. I didn't know you could waltz, bilaterus!"

"Neither did I," bilaterus admitted, as they twirled to the soft waltzing music, their feet in perfect alignment. "I have two right feet when it comes to dancing in real life. And I'm left-footed."

"Well you're doing fine by me," Blythe smiled.

**Good going, Candace!**

_Heheheh, the things I'm going to make them do together... _

_Wait a minute! I can't believe I almost got sucked into this! You two are so busted! I'm telling Mom!_

**Ok... telling her what?**

_That... that you've got two 'frantic writers' in a room here and you're making them do stuff!_

I think you mean 'fanfic writers', Candace.

_Whatever!_

**Weren't you making them waltz on the ceiling too a second ago?**

**In fact, they're still waltzing.**

_...I'm still telling Mom! _

**Ok! I think she'll enjoy it too!**

_*storms off*_

"Will Linda actually come here?" bilaterus asked Blythe, as they continued to dance. "I suppose we can decide, because although we're trapped in this room, technically we're still controlling everything that happens..."

"I don't know. However, what I DO know is that the blood is draining to my head. We should really get down from- ...uh oh."

Gravity rejected the two authors, sending them plummeting to the floor.

"Would a throw pillow be too much to ask?" bilaterus moaned.

Suddenly, throw pillows appeared covering the floor.

**:D**

bilaterus facepalmed.

"Thanks Phineas," sighed Blythe.

**Oh, no problem!**

"I think I landed on my shoulder...ow. bilaterusss... I don't wanna be on the ceiling anymore!"

"But... we're on the floor now," bilaterus said. "...Aren't we? You know I'm not even sure any more."

"Yeah, we're on the floor now. I just don't wanna hang upside down anymore."

"Don't worry," bilaterus smiled, "next time you can fall on me to cushion the blow. Although it won't help a huge amount. I'm incredibly bony and skinny."

"Thanks anyway," said Blythe, smiling at his attempted generosity.

**Aw! It's a shame Candace is missing this! **

_Hurry up, mom! Before they disappear!_

Oh, sounds like she's coming back!

**And she's bringing Mom!**

**I wonder what she'll think of this literary experiment.**

_They're right in here, you'll see!_

**Wait, Candace! Don't step on the fanfiction-immunizer! **

_*beep*_

**What was that odd sensation... Hey! I'm back as a writer! Oh, my lovely bold writing and power to do whatever I want (when Blythe doesn't ruin my fun), oh how I've missed you!**

My wonderful, wonderful underlined text! If I could, I would kiss it! No more of that concrete dungeon! No more hanging upside-down! No more being subjected to cruel narration!

"What just happened?" Candace said, utterly disoriented. She took a moment to soak in their surroundings. They were outside somehow - in their own backyard.

"Oh, I guess we're back in the fanfic now," Phineas observed, as he looked around, "And I must say, Ferb; I prefer this setting over the last one we were in!"

Candace glared incredulously at him, "What does that even mean? What the heck is a fanfic?"

"What's going on here? What did you want me to see?" Linda asked.

Candace leapt up. "Mom, Mom! Look at what Phineas and Ferb are doing," she exclaimed, pointing wildly at them. "Bust them!"

Linda waited a moment, expecting something unusual to happen that might justify her daughter's psychotic accusations. Much to Candace's dismay, there was nothing for her to see.

"Okay," sighed Linda, "dare I ask what I'm looking at this time?"

"No! They had these band-friction writers, and they were saying they didn't like each other although they probably did, and Phineas and Ferb made them awkwardly hug on the ceiling, and...!"

Linda sighed. "Candace, have you tried taking up writing? The moms at my cooking class say it's a great pastime for active minds."

"But Mom!" argued Candace, "it was really happening! They were in a little room and you could make them do whatever you want!" Suddenly, she hatched an idea, "hey! The authors! They've gotta be around here somewhere!"

"Candace, what are you talking ab-"

"Come out, come out, you authors! I know you're there! You can't fool me!"

"Sweetie, quiet down! You're worrying the neighbors!"

The adamant teenager broke away from the group and began flailing her arms in search of said authors, "You two better show up!" She took an authoritative tone, "Suddenly, the authors showed up! Suddenly the authors showed up!"

"It doesn't work that way, Candace!" informed Phineas.

"Well how does it work, then?!"

Suddenly, Linda disappeared.

"Aw, come on! That's not fair!" lamented the discontented teenager.

**Ah, the power to do anything feels goood.**

Yes, yes it does.

**Now, Isabella... I believe we have some unsettled business.**

Isabella gulped. "Phineas, help!"

**Your crush cannot save you now! Mwuahaha! **

So what should we do to her, bilaterus?

**Don't worry. I know EXACTLY what to do to her.**

**Oh, sorry in advance Phineas. **

"What?" Phineas asked.

**You'll see. Next chapter.**

**Well, you can't 'see' the chapters persay. But yeah. You'll see soon.**

"I have one question," piped Ferb. "Why are we all suddenly in black and white?"

***Shrugs* That one's beyond even us.**

"I have a question too!" Candace shouted. "Wh-"

**Aand that's all we have time for :D**


	4. Punishment

Hmmmm...now where shall we start~? what shall our topic be~?

**Well, we need revenge on Isabella. :)**

Oh, right! Yes :)

**Firstly, Ferb, Candace, you can go back inside.**

Obedient to the powers of the fanfic writer, Ferb moved noiselessly back into the house from the backyard and Candace too left the backyard (with in fact a considerable amount of noisy rebellion), leaving Phineas looking thoughtful and Isabella nervous.

**Now back into that room! Mwuahahaha! **

**Unless you don't want them there, Blythe?**

Huh, well I think it's only fair, right?

**Yes, definitely.**

Phineas and Isabella blinked - in that moment, the backyard faded instantly to be replaced with the cold concrete walls of the enigmatic room they had spent time in before.

Hmmm... I actually like the idea of them being in the backyard...

They blinked again and they were back, as if they had never moved. Phineas looked at Isabella, as if to check whether she too had seemingly been transported to that place again for a mere second, and she shrugged in equal confusion.

On second thought...

The two disappeared from the backyard and appeared in the concrete prison once again, feeling dizzied and overwhelmed upon their arrival.

"What-?"

Nah. I change my mind. Think I'm going with the backyard again...

Phineas winced and braced himself for a third change of scenery, "Wait, wait a second before you-"

They were back in the backyard. Again.

"Would you quit doing that?!" insisted Isabella, "You're giving us vertigo!"

**Yeah, stop it Blythe! ...Well you don't HAVE to stop, but c'mon. Be reasonable :p We've not even got to the punishment yet!**

Oh, right. Sorry. Couldn't make up my mind.

**I mean c'mon honey. Don't frazzle the characters until we begin the punishment!**

Yes dear- wait...

"Aw, look Isabella! They're giving each other pet names!" remarked Phineas, grinning.

**No we don't! We- urgh! Aren't WE supposed to be in charge here?!**

Isabella was not impressed. "You're not going to break Phineas's nose or anything, are you? Cause I'm really not up for that."

**No, no. Making you break his nose with a refrigerator door is Blythe's style.**

"What?"

**...You know? Those cold things which you put food in?**

"I know what a refrigerator is." Isabella said flatly.

Well then why did you just ask-

"Nevermind! Are you two planning on doing something to the two of us or what?"

**Well I was going to have you guys hugging awkwardly on the ceiling... but now there is no ceiling. So.**

Sorry, bilaterus is not really original sometimes. :P

**It's a fitting ironic punishment! She did it to us! **

*whispers* Isabella would enjoy that, silly. A punishment means that the person in question DOESN'T enjoy it!

"I heard that!"

**Are you saying you didn't like hugging me?**

Not upside down, no!

**OK fair enough. Fine, what ideas of punishment do YOU have then, Miss 'I Know What Isabella Wants'?**

Don't be giving me condescending nicknames! I only said that because I know I'd enjoy it if I was forced to hug my crush upside down on a ceiling!

**In a closed room~**

Yes, in a closed room with no one else around. But him.

Phineas was visibly more confused than normal. "What do you mean by that...?"

***Ahem* anyway. SORRY some of us don't do the whole 'madly in love with a crush' thing :p**

What-! What do you-! You're not making any sense!

"...So I think they're fighting...again."

"Man... For a couple, they sure do fight a lot..." murmured Isabella.

**We are NOT a couple!**

We are NOT a couple!

**...That could've been more dramatic. If this was a show it'd be obvious we both shouted that simultaneously.**

"But you DID shout that simultaneously," Isabella said.

**You guys might have heard it simultaneous, but on the fic itself we see it as two separate lines. Anyway, back to the punishment for you...**

"You could make us hug really awkwardly," Isabella ventured hopefully.

"Yeah, it seemed really uncomfortable when you guys were doing it," Phineas agreed.

**No no, apparently it's 'not a punishment' according to Blythe. Ugh.**

Phineas began to scratch his chin- er, scratch below his mouth in thought. "Hm, you could force us to listen to terrible puns?"

Hmmm...why does that sound familiar...? :P

**No idea!**

"Wait Phineas- !"

**But yes! Everyone always hates those! Go on, Blythe, give us the best one you remember!**

***Waits eight days* **

**...Still nothing? xD**

Give me a moment! I don't- *sigh* puns aren't my thing!

**You mean they aren't your 'area of expuntise'?**

Silence. Then Isabella groaned loudly. Phineas's expression was markedly neutral.

**...Get it? Like 'expertise' but with 'pun' in the middle...**

Looks like they aren't your area of expertise either, sweetie.

"Yeah... that was terrible."

Phineas then grinned. "Actually, I liked it!"

Are we going to decide on a punishment, or not? We've only got a certain amount of-

**Haha. pun-ishment.**

...Are you quite done yet, bilaterus?

**Yes. Yes I am.**

Alright, great. Now quick! We need to think of a vengeful punishment for Isabella before we lose the readers' attentions. Assuming we haven't already...

**With those great puns? No way!**

Don't quit your day job. :P

**Ok ok, vengeful punishment. We could... force-feed them cookies until they get a sweet tooth and all their teeth fall out! Mwuahahaha!**

You seem to think tooth decay is more evil than it actually is.

"Eh, I dunno... I actually think tooth decay's kinda evil," added Phineas.

Isabella concurred almost instantly, "Yeah! Cavities are a real drag!"

Silence! We're still brainstorming.

**Huh. We're... we're stuck.**

"So, does that mean you won't give us any punishment?" Isabella said hopefully.

Nah, it just means that we've run out of creative alternatives.

**I think I have an idea.**

Go onnnn?

Through the gate of the backyard, an unusual visitor appeared. An old acquaintance they hadn't met since nearly the beginning of the summer. Someone who had only appeared in a couple of episodes...

Oh no. No, bilaterus, no...no no no...!

"Hi Django!" Phineas said cheerfully.

I HATE YOUUUUUUU!

**Wha-? Could it be that you perhaps slightly DISLIKE Django? I had no idea! *Innocent face***

The punishment is supposed to be for ISABELLA, not ME!

**Oh it'll be punishment for her too. Ironic punishment... **

"Oh, oh no..." Isabella muttered, as the coming reality dawned upon her. She tried to move... no, she was rooted to the spot.

"Hey guys!" Django replied. "I was just in the neighbourhood and decided to drop by. What are 'cha doin'?"

Isabella fumed silently as her catchphrase was mangled in the hands of the newcomer. Phineas, of course, was oblivious to it.

"Not much. Currently we're at the mercy of two fan fiction writers who are coming up with an ironic punishment for me and Isabella."

"O-kay..." Django said slowly, trying to decide whether he could make sense of it or not. He decided on the latter. He would just go with whatever happened.

**And now it can begin...**

"Woah, who said that?" Django asked in surprise.

WHOMPF.

That was the curious sound heard when Isabella had inexplicably leapt from her position to lock Django in a really very tight embrace. Phineas would later comment on the sound, describing it to be a unique onomatopoeia to use. And that it also looked like an amusing acronym of some sort. Haha. Whompf.

Django blushed slightly. "Um, Isabella? Not that I question your motives for suddenly hugging me but...uh... why...are you suddenly hugging me?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose, ok?" Isabella said quickly, turning her face away from his as her cheeks went bright red.

"I'm not sure if I understand..."

"Well played, bilaterus, Blythe," Isabella muttered.

**Mwuahahaha! Revenge!**

"There's that voice again!" Django exclaimed.

"Isabella, do you have a fever?" asked a concerned Phineas. "Your face has gone all red..."

"No, i-it's...Blythe, help me out?" squeaked the humiliated Fireside Girl, "I think this is enough punishment."

Kay.

Suddenly Django exploded.

**Blythe. You can't do that.**

Why not?

**You'll traumatise the characters. And then how are we supposed to write fan fics with them?**

Oh. But...but I don't like Django!

"So you made him explode?!" Isabella shouted. She was still a little in shock from having Django explode directly in front of her, although she was physically unharmed.

Alright, alright fiiiine! I'll fix it! Don't throw a tantrum!

Django did not explode. In fact, he never did. He reappeared unphased back in Isabella's arms.

Happy?

Isabella rolled her eyes, annoyed at the unchanged nature of her situation, "peachy."

**Well I think I've teased you enough, Blythe :P**

Isabella felt an inexplicable change in her arms, and sure enough she was able to stop hugging Django so tightly. She let go and stepped back quickly, still a little embarassed as to what had happened.

Can I have a turn yet, bilaterus?

**Fine. Just don't explode anyone.**

Killjoy.

**Sadist.**

Tease!

**Bully!**

British!

**American!**

Django looked around for the voices, growing increasingly worried. "Where are those voices coming from? Should we be concerned, guys?"

"Nah, give 'em a moment," said Phineas, "They're just arguing again."

**Ok, Django doesn't need to hear all this.**

"Django!" a voice called. "Time for us to get going!"

"Coming dad!" Django replied. "Bye guys, good to see ya!" He left quickly, eager to leave the madness before he was perhaps exploded again for a brief period of time.

Thank you. Now it's my turn for a little punishment.

**Go ahead dear :D**

Just as Django ducked behind the gate to the backyard on his way out, another character made his way in. He happily bobbed toward the two characters, each of their expressions changing slightly at his entrance.

"Guess who brought his camera todaaaaaaay?" said the character, visibly more excited to be there than anyone else.

**Oh... Oh no. **

"Hiya, Irving!" greeted Phineas, unfazed.

**Nooooo! I thought we wouldn't have him in this!**

Isabella was not as pleased to see him. Her eyes darted around for the brilliant author who was punishing her, "Not funny, Blythe!"

**Yeah! Not funny!**

PAYBACK, BABY!

**T_T Fine. Do what you like.**

"Where are those voices coming from?"

"Long story." said Phineas and Isabella in tandem. Isabella waited a moment for something to happen.

"Okay, what are you going to-"

Without warning, Isabella's body was pulled to the bestacled fanatic as if by an inexplicable magnet. Taking one of his hands with one hand and resting the other hand on his shoulder, the two were waltzing without any control of their limbs.

**Pft. And you say I'm not original.**

I'm not done, darling~ ;P

The waltze grew faster and more precise in movement until neither of them knew where they were going or when they would stop.

"Well this is odd," remarked Irving, oblivious as to why he was suddenly dancing with his dark-haired partner, "I don't remember ever having dance lessons..."

"Yeah," huffed Isabella, "why am I not surprised."

Then more peculiar things began happening; the two were suddenly dancing up the tree in the backyard.

"Cool! We're defying logic!" exclaimed Irving enthusiastically.

**I think I like where this is going :)**

Isabella was not as impressed, "This still isn't that original! It's almost the same as waltzing on the ceiling."

Phineas whistled in amazement. "And here I thought only Ferb could do that whole 'dancing on the tree' thing."

They were now tangoing. Up the tree.

"Okay, okay! I get it!"

The tangoing was really intense.

"Please let us down now! I get it!"

Hehehehe. How does it feel, Isabella? Good? Bad?

"Alright, I'm sorry for making you two waltze on the ceiling! Now can we- oh!" Her sentence was interrupted as she was dipped swiftly and then whipped back mid-tango, "I'm really getting dizzy!"

"This is exhilarating!" hollered Irving.

"It's equally exhilarating to watch!" Phineas agreed. "Can I be next?"

**Why would you want to tango with Irving on a tree?**

"Maybe he meant-" Isabella started as she whirled uncontrollably. "-that he wanted to tango with me?"

"Of course!"

Isabella sighed happily.

"After all, it's tradition for a boy and a girl to tango, right?"

Well, if we allowed that to happen, it wouldn't really be considered a "punishment," now, would it?

"Huh? Why does it make a difference if it's me or Irving?"

***Facepalm***

*Facepalm*

**What do we do to her next?**

… **Wait a minute! I've just realised something!**

What?

**You've dragged me into this 'torturing characters' business! I can't believe you've made me stoop this low! I... I feel dirty...**

Oh, so now all this is completely MY fault? You're the one who suggested we get payback in the first place!

**Well yeah, but you're such an expert at torturing Isabella already, and now you've got me enjoying her pain! You monster!**

What did you just call me?

**You're an evil, character-torturing monster!**

Oh? And what does that make you? _A saint?!_

"This can't end well," Phineas predicted.

"Uh oh...I- I think I need to..." Irving spluttered, attempting to cover his mouth with one hand as he turned a sickly shade of green.

Isabella picked up on her dance partner's change in color, "Uh, guys? Can we please come down from this tree now?!"

**Can't you see we're in the middle of something?!**

bilaterus, why do you always have to be so _difficult_ all the time?! I can't stand it!

**What obsession do you have with torturing the characters you like? And even the ones you don't like? You just like to torture, don't you?!**

I don't have an obsession! The characters turn out okay anyway, so why does it matter?! I do what I want! You just always give me a hard time!

**Argh!**

Argh!

"Bleurgh!"

Irving threw up.

…bilaterus! That's disgusting! Why did you write that?!

**Oh, so you're allowed to blow up Django but I'm not allowed to do something more realistic?**

That's just cruel! NO ONE likes to throw up!

**Ok fine I'll fix it.**

Irving didn't throw up. He blew up instead.

**Ah yes, that's the stuff.**

Honey, what...what are you even... I don't...

**Ok... I MAY be seeing the attraction in torturing SOME characters. I suppose that makes me a monster too.**

You were just getting on me about torturing them and NOW you're making Irving blow up?!

**People change :)**

You called me a torturous monster not even five minutes ago!

"Irving's still kinda... blown up," Phineas said, "So are you gonna change that, or...?"

Irving didn't blow up.

I'm sensing redundance.

'**S kinda lazy writing, too. I mean, cmon, "he didn't blow up"? How boring.**

You tryin' to say you can do better? Go right ahead.

**Ok.**

Irving didn't really blow up.

**I'm also a hypocrite. I think it's all the chocolate I'm eating.**

How brilliant. Adding "really" to that sentence was so groundbreakingly different. =_="

**You know you like it, babe :P**

"You know, I've given up trying to figure out the chemistry between you two," said a miserable Isabella, tangoing with herself upside the tree, "and know what I've also given up on? Begging for mercy."

**Good. Because we've only just started... :)**

Suddenly, Isabella and Phineas were hit with a strange ray. They started to glow, in increasing intensity, as the very air around them buzzed with energy.

**Wait, this seems familiar...**

Phineas and Isabella looked up; there was Ferb, holding what looked like a large ray gun, having just fired at them and himself.

Oh... oh! No! Ferb made another protoype of the fanfiction immunizer! Ferb, don't-!

Suddenly, they disappeared entirely from the backyard.

* * *

**Awesome! Isabella we're back!**

What a relief. I will never tango again.

**That's a shame. I was kinda hoping we could, it looked fun!**

Really?! Then we should!

**What about you, Ferb? Do you like to tango?**

**Yes. Yes I do.**

**Sweet! I'll draw up plans for a 3-person tango! It'll be awesome!**

Yeah. Ehehe. Awesome. =_=

"I... I have a bad feeling about this," bilaterus admitted to Blythe, as he lay sprawled over the grass in the backyard and rolled to face her.

She met his gaze, her eyes as heavy with worry as his, "Me too, bilaterus. Me too."


	5. Pillow

"This is not good. Not good at all." Blythe admitted, as the two authors lay twiddling their thumbs on the grass of the backyard, "what do you think they're gonna do to us?"

"I don't know..." bilaterus sighed. Suddenly, he sat upright, his face lighting up instantly. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!"

"What? What is it?!"

"We're in Phineas and Ferb's backyard! Where all the magic happens!" he gushed uncontrollably. "How can you not be fangirling?"

Blythe's face turned to an expression of mild aggravation, "Gee, I dunno. Maybe it's because we're at the mercy of three authors who can make us do pretty much anything they want at our expense-"

"C'mon, let's sit under their tree together!" bilaterus said, ignoring her entirely. He stood up, full of energy, and dragged her towards the legendary tree, Blythe moaning constantly along the way (but not resisting his effort).

"bilaterus! What are you-!"

He propped Blythe up leaning against the tree and sat leaning besides her, as if in thought. Then, as if some idea had dawned upon him, his face lit up in epiphany.

"Blythe," he declared, turning towards her. "I know what we're going to do today!"

She groaned at the predictable catchphrase, "oh brother..."

He poked her playfully. "C'mon, you know you love it really. C'monnnn. Admit it. Smile. Go on. You know you want to."

"Why are you Phineas in this scenario?"

"What?"

"I said, why do you get to be Phineas? I'M the chatty American one. I should be Phineas."

"Well currently you're being grumpier than... one of those moody grey clouds," bilaterus said, gesturing towards the sky.

The weather was spectacular and such a cloud didn't exist where he was pointing.

"...That...wasn't a very masterfully articulated simile there..." she replied, jesting at his obvious lack of poetic skill. She couldn't help but smile as she relaxed against the tree.

"Maybe not," he said, grinning slyly. "But it got you to smile!"

"Yeah, yeah...You're still not helping our case, you know."

"I like to live in the moment."

**You do too? Cool!**

Admittedly, bilaterus DOES sound more like Phineas here.

"Not helping, Isabella," murmured Blythe. "Are you planning on, like, doing something with us, orrr...? I mean if not, that's cool, too."

Oh, we will be doing stuff to you guys. It's so fun after all! Right, Phineas? :D

**Yeah! Controlling someone else's actions and environment can be fun.**

**But absolute power corrupts absolutely... we must be wary, my friends, not to abuse this total authority we have over them.**

**Yeah! What Ferb said!**

Definitely.

Now let's dress them in wallaby suits.

**Why wallabies?**

It just seemed to fit the moment :D

**I actually like the idea of making them fly or something! Oh! Or we could give them super powers!**

**Or perhaps turn them different colors.**

**Yeah, the possilibities are endless!**

As long as they can be in wallaby costumes.

"I don't want to be in a wallaby suit," Blythe remarked flatly.

"I'm partial to the idea, actually," bilaterus grinned. "I don't know why. I'm just in the mood for something different today."

"Well I'm not. I'm getting jet lagged from switching perspectives so frequently."

"Ignore Blythe, she's crazy," bilaterus said to their character overlords. "Put us in flying wallaby costumes!"

"Mark my words, bilaterus: If they put us in flying wallaby suits, I swear I will put a giant spider down your shirt."

bilaterus gasped in horror. "No! You... you wouldn't!"

From an arm's length, Blythe spotted a spider climbing up the bark of the tree, "oh, look. Here's one! He looks mighty friendly, wouldn't you say?"

bilaterus yelped loudly, jumping three feet into the air and away from the tree. "H-how did that spider get there?!"

You made Irving throw up on us! This is payback.

"Yeah, but I undid it at least! W-what about Blythe? She blew Django up in your arms!"

You're the one who put him there in the first place!

Blythe picked the spider up by the leg and held it in her hands, speaking softly to it, "You're a pretty thing, ain'tcha?" She grinned evilly, "What do you think, bilaterus~?"

bilaterus got up and flew away. To the roof of the house.

**See? Everything's cooler with super powers!**

"Thanks, Phineas. Good to know not everyone's against me here," bilaterus said gratefully. "Although it'd be even cooler if I had a wallaby costume..."

**Perhaps some other time.**

Out of nowhere, the spider in Blythe's hand inexplicably grew to become colossal. Before she knew it, she was riding on the back of a giant spider, that towered over the house.

"Hehe. Thanks, Isabella!"

This freaks me out a little, but you're welcome.

All the colour drained from bilaterus' face when he saw the giant arachnid that loomed over him less than ten feet away. For the first time since his childhood, he fainted on the spot.

"Um... b-...bilaterus?"

He started to slide dangerously off the roof.

"O-oh! Goodness! Phineas, Isabella, Ferb! Guys, help!"

The giant spider ducked forward and bilaterus's unconscious body flopped next to Blythe on to the spider's back. She gave a sigh of relief, "Thanks, you guys!"

bilaterus stirred slightly. "Blythe..." he murmured faintly, eyes opened slightly.

She scrambled to his side, turning him over to face her. She took him in her arms and leaned toward him worriedly, "Yes?"

"Why is there a raccoon on your head?"

The next sound that was heard was an inhuman, ear-splitting, glass shattering, bone-chilling screech as Blythe desperately swatted at her hair in attempt to rid it of the woodland creature in question.

"AIIIIYYYEEEEEEEEEEE! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

The sound caused the giant spider to convulse in shock, causing the frantic author to lose her footing. She was thrown off its back, sent plummeting to the ground below - closing her eyes and bracing herself for the impact.

But it didn't come. As her eyes fluttered open, she noticed that lassoed around her waist was a belt, suspending her in mid-air. She looked up towards its owner, balancing on the edge of the roof, clutching the end of the belt as he looked down with concern at the dame he had rescued from inevitable doom.

"Blythe, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

She hung there for a moment, trying to assess what was happening.

"Yeah? Me too." She muttered. She crossed her arms over her chest, her heart rate hammering from her nearly fatal fall, "How dare you lie like that! You nearly killed me!"

bilaterus grinned. "My dear, I'd never let you be in any danger. I just like to tease you."

His tone was relaxed; amused, even. However, the dangling damsel was anything but impressed.

"So _your_ idea of 'teasing' is scaring the daylights out of me to the point where I nearly plummet to my death from 30ft?!"

"You did it to me first, scaring me with that giant spider! Besides, I seem to recall you enjoying 50 foot cliff jumps..."

"I didn't make the spider grow like that! It was one of the writers! And thanks SO much for bringing up my cliff-jumping incident and then have me almost relive it again!"

"What a thing to say to the person who just saved your life! Such gratitude!"

"Yeah, yeah! I'll bet it helps your conscience! Not to mention your ego!"

**I don't get it. Why are they fighting again?**

Gee, I didn't expect them to be like this.

**I thought you'd set this up to be a romantic scene, Isabella!**

I did, really! I don't know why they're being like this!

bilaterus looked up, inadvertently, into the eyes of the giant spider. He teetered dangerously on the edge of the roof. Blythe caught on to his frightened composure.

"If you drop me, I swear..."

He gulped, and then looked down again. Then he grinned maliciously, loosening his grip on the belt and suddenly causing Blythe to fall even further toward the ground, yelping and hanging on for dear life.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

"Maybe." And he too leapt off the roof.

Onto the giant pillow that lay below.

**Safety first! :D **

Wait, why did you get rid of that spider? Where did it go?

**Oh, I remembered that Candace is still at the house. And she's terrified of them! Right, Ferb?**

***blinks***

**So yeah, I turned it into that giant pillow. **

Ah, okay. Oh Phineas, you're always so innovative!

**Thanks! :D**

The two authors lay on the giant pillow, both of them in different - if not completely opposite - states of mind. bilaterus, for one, lay there contentedly strapping his belt back on, having had enough exhilaration for the day. Blythe, on the other hand, was fit to be tied. She lay motionless against the silky fabric of the pillow, mumbling incoherently to herself. High pressure situations did not sit well with her.

"Of all the people to get stuck with, it had to be him."

"I'm right here, you know."

"Yeah? Good. Then you can hear me while I soliloquize negatively about you."

bilaterus frowned. "I know you love to do crazy things normally. Do you not trust me, then?"

"I only like doing adventurous things when I'M in control of my fate! I don't enjoy myself when suddenly tossed off the back of a spider the size of a three-storey building!"

"I'm sorry."

"And I _especially_ don't like it when-...what did you say?"

"I'm sorry for scaring you by saying there was a raccoon on your head. I know you don't like them."

Blythe turned her body to look at him, wide-eyed with disbelief, "You mean...you're apologizing to me?"

bilaterus smiled. "Yes, I suppose I am. After all -" he leaned forward slightly - "isn't that the norm for pillow talk?"

Blythe couldn't help but laugh at his pun. It started in a small giggle, then it grew when she realized the reality of the situation - they were literally laying in a giant pillow in the backyard of their two favorite cartoon characters. Her giggle grew to a laugh, causing her to hold her stomach. She looked back at his grinning face and only laughed harder. Then, the inevitable.

An ugly sound erupted from the back of her throat and recoiled with a snort. She had unleashed what had always been appropriately named by friends and family as, 'the choking ostrich laugh.'

"Oh! Oh no!" she stifled in the midst of her hilarity. She covered her mouth and rolled away from him in embarrassment until the sound died back down to a mild chuckle, then she was able to speak again.

"Urgh. I'm sorry," she said apologetically, "I'm sorry you had to hear that..."

bilaterus grinned widely. "Your laugh... is so cute. I could listen to it all day."

Her face warmed at his compliment, causing her to shyly turn away a little more, "Oh, no... No, it really isn't cute at all! It's awful!"

"No, no it really is lovely!"

"Awww-"

"That ostrich-y sound was incredibly embarrassing, though."

"Why you-!" The flustered author tried to force away her smile, shoving him lightly in the arm, "No it-! Urgh! You're such a twit!" she laughed.

**Aww, it looks like it worked out for the best after all :D**

They're so adorable!

**The choking ostrich sound was a good touch, Ferb.**

**Well actually, I-**

"Yeah thanks Ferb," Blythe said loudly, laughing in a somewhat forced manner, "Wow, wouldn't it be embarrassing if I actually DID laugh like that? That would be...unfortunate...heh. Hehehe..."

"Well, I'm permanently traumatised by this whole giant spider incident now," bilaterus said, laughing lightly as he lay back to stare at the bright blue sky. "And that terrifying laugh of yours. But this is nice at least."

Blythe gazed up at the afternoon sky, equally as contented as he. "Yeah. It is."

The two lay there watching the sky, allowing the minutes pass by at their leisure. Nothing strange was happening - no giant spiders or straitjackets or waltzing on the ceiling of a concrete prison, just birds singing and a gentle wind rustling the leaves. Amid the stillness, their hands found each other and their fingers slowly began to intertwine.

Then, suddenly:

"What are you guys doing?"

The authors looked towards the source of the voice - there, standing in the doorway, was Candace, looking curiously at the two strangers lying on a giant pillow in the backyard.

Blythe sat up, quickly moving her hand away from bilaterus'. "Oh hi, Candace! We were just-"

"What did you do with my brothers?!"

"They switched back to author mode-"

**Hi, Candace! Check out the giant pillow we wrote into the story! **

"Yeah, it's the first thing I noticed. Pretty hard to miss." she replied flatly.

Looks comfy, doesn't it?

**Yeah! You should sit in it a-**

"I'm not going to sit on this giant sketchy pillow!"

**Why not?**

"Because I'm telling Mom, that's why!" the angsty redhead turned on her heels and made her way back into the house, "You guys are soooo busted!"

"First we got to do Phineas' catchphrase, then we got to hear Candace's! Bonus!" bilaterus exclaimed happily. The two authors high-fived.

"Score!" chirped Blythe in equal excitement. She looked around, "So...does this mean the pillow's gonna disappear somehow within the next minute or so?"

"Well in the regular fiction, the show, it would. In a fan-fic, though, anything goes. People make their Mom see the inventions all the time."

"Well then what's the protocol for fic-fans?"

"Who knows!" bilaterus grinned.

Blythe stood to her feet uneasily, trying to keep from falling over the bumps of goose feathers that were under the fabric below her feet, "We should probably get off this thing before it possibly disappe- OH!"

She tripped and landed flat on her face. bilaterus snorted in laughter.

"Not a word from you!" scolded Blythe as she lifted her head. Her pride was already in tatters from the earlier events.

bilaterus made a zipping motion across his mouth, dropping the invisible key into his pocket. Then he burst out laughing.

"It's not-...It's not funny!" she giggled, failing at keeping a straight face. His laughter continued and so did hers, "I wanna see YOU try to walk straight on this giant thing!"

bilaterus shrugged, still chuckling, as he readied himself to stand up properly atop the pillow. He then jumped 50 feet into the air, landing neatly to the side of the pillow.

Blythe could hardly believe her eyes, "Wha-?! No fair!" she cried, "Why couldn't you guys make ME do that instead of making me fall on my face?!"

**Because it was funnier.**

**Yeah, I nearly forgot that bilaterus can still fly! **

Guys, we can't just give _him_ a superpower and not _her!_

**Ok... how about... laser sneezes!**

Involuntarily, Blythe sneezed and a bright red laser shot out of the end of her tongue towards the pillow she had been looking down towards, enveloping the entire thing and disintegrating it entirely.

Yeah, just what every girl wants - to sneeze laser beams =_=

**I know, right? Wouldn't that be awesome?!**

"Swell," muttered Blythe. She hadn't noticed that she was suspended in the air. A second later, gravity kicked in and she started to fall again. bilaterus ran forward, arms outstretched, to catch her.

She landed on her rear besides him.

"I was always bad at catching things," bilaterus admitted, sighing.

Blythe writhed in pain, moaning, "Owwww. Why me? Why is it always meeee?"

"Look on the bright side. At least it wasn't a fall from too high."

In that moment, Candace returned, dragging her mother behind her by the arm. "See Mom? A strange couple is lying out here on a giant pillow!"

"We are not a couple!" bilaterus and Blythe insisted in unison.

And, as always, the pillow was not there by the time Candace and her mother had made it to the backyard. Candace's mouth was agape once again, "But but but-! It was right here!"

Linda smiled at the strange couple before her, "Oh, hello! Are you friends of my sons?"

"Yes. Yes we are. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher!" piped Blythe, candidly offering a hand, "I'm Blythe and this is bilaterus!"

"They were the voices!" interjected Candace. "The authors! The voices I was talking about earlier! This is them! I wasn't lying!"

"Candace," sighed Linda, "If you keep talking about hearing voices, we should really go see Doctor Brown again..."

"No, not like that! Look! Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella are the authors right now!" she then began flailing her arms in the air, "Phineas! Ferb! Isabella! Yoohoo! Say something!"

There was no answer.

"You guys better say something!"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, Phineas and Ferb aren't here at the moment, but they'll be back soon," bilaterus reassured her.

"Oh. Good, then. I'm making some pie if you two would like to come in and have some. It'll be ready in a few minutes."

bilaterus squealed loudly. "We're getting offered pie too! This is the best day ever!"

"Good, I'm starving!"

Another high five took place between the two authors. Candace sat in the grass, mumbling something no one else could hear.

"What's wrong, Candace?"

"Phineas?" Candace said in surprise. " Ferb? Isabella? What are you guys doing here?"

"We just came back to have some pie," Phineas said cheerfully.

The befuddled teen eyed her younger brother, "what do you mean you 'just came back?'"

"We decided to take a break and have lunch before we go back to being authors," said Isabella, catching Candace off-guard.

Ferb joined in, too, "Writing can be taxing work."

"But how are you guys here?"

"We've written ourselves in to be here," allowed Phineas.

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

The three young authors exchanged glances. The red headed one among them shrugged, "It does if you don't think about it."

Candace thought for a moment, then an idea dawned on her, "so you're saying that if the authors WROTE themselves to be authors again, they could go back to being all invisible?"

"Well I know that if the authors want to be characters, they can be." added Isabella, "I guess the same might apply to if the characters want to be the authors..."

"But surely it can't!" bilaterus insisted. "After all, you think me and Blythe would've stuck around as characters if we could revert to being authors again at will?"

"You might only be characters because you haven't thought of willingly becoming authors again," said Ferb.

bilaterus and Blythe stared at them incredulously.

Then, impatiently, Blythe clicked her heels together, "there's no place like home, there's- uh, I mean, I wanna be an author again, I wanna be an author again..."

"I don't think it works that way, exactly..." bilaterus said slowly.

Blythe gritted her teeth, "Well how DOES it work, then?!"

There was a brief silence as everyone considered that question.

"Kids! Pie's ready!"

"Coming, Mom!"

Blythe glanced at bilaterus as the rest made their way to the kitchen. "Looks like we'll have to figure that one out in the next chapter..."

"Yes," bilaterus said, smiling as they went into the house together. "Yes we will."

Blythe glanced out the window one final time as she ended chapter five with another famous line.

"Hey, where's Perry?"


	6. Pie

"I love you," bilaterus finally admitted. "I want to hold you, cherish you forever. From this moment I want you with me or my heart will break into a million pieces..."

"Sorry Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, bilaterus really loves this pie." said Blythe apologetically to the cook of their mid-day snack. "And he tends to talk to his food on occasion."

bilaterus scoffed and turned lovingly to his plate. "Don't listen to them, sweetie pie. You're wonderful... And delicious."

The rest of the guests at the table shared a moment of awkward silence as they watched him whisper amorously to his dessert, and then take a great bite of it and chew slowly. Blythe bit her fork, raising an eyebrow, "bilaterus. Hey."

There was no acknowledgement from him. She nudged him with her knee, "bilaterus."

"Wha-?" he said, turning to her with a mouth full of pie.

"You're causing a scene. Again."

He grinned, his cheeks still bulging with pie. "You know you're enjoying it."

"Well, yeah, the pie's excellent." she agreed, licking her fork for the final time before setting it back down on the dining room table.

"Not thaaat," he winked, nudging her back. "You think it's funny. Go on. Admit it."

She moved her chair away from his, "What? That you're practically harassing that pie in front of everyone? Yeah, you're hilarious."

"I can see you hiding a grin over there. You're in awe of my charisma."

"'Charisma?'" she scoffed, reaching over to indicate a trail of crumbs scattered about his shirt, "there's nothing charismatic about eating like a pig."

"Fine fine fine." bilaterus smoothly brushed off the crumbs, swallowed, and tucked his chair in, sitting up gracefully and straight. "This pie was delicious, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher," he said gentlemanly, his british accent accentuating his compliments. "You simply must share with me the magical recipe."

"Oh stop," Linda replied, smiling. "Such a gentleman. Like another wonderful man I know," she added, as she and Lawrence shared a loving look.

"That reminds me of the man I met in that country," Lawrence began. "Oh, that man was fiercely protective of his aubergines. One day as we were trekking through the country's most famous landmark...'

"Ferb," Phineas whispered to his brother. "We should cook a giant pie using recipes from people all over Danville! Imagine: the expertise and flavours of years of secret family recipes, all in one pie! Won't that be awesome!"

"Mom look! Phineas and Ferb are making plans for a giant pie!"

"That's nice, dear," dismissed Linda, digging into the crust of her own homemade creation, "So Blythe, Bilaterus. Are the two of you from around the neighborhood?"

Blythe considered the question for a minute before answering, "...Um...Well, not really. We're actually-"

"Was that a capital b?" bilaterus interjected.

"Sorry, what was that?" asked Linda, knitting her eyebrows at his sudden objection.

"A capital b. You know, when you said my name? I'm not sure if you did, I can't see the text."

Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher's eyes darted from Blythe's to Lawrence's, "I'm not sure if I understand what you mean..."

"Because I don't really mind, but I do prefer it's pronounced with a lower case b," bilaterus continued conversationally.

Blythe kicked her pesky co-writer from under the table, earning a hushed yelp. "He's just joking," she said hastily.

"Aw c'mon," bilaterus pined childishly. "Can't we be a little bit crazy? You know you want to."

"We don't need to get Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher into this ordeal." Blythe whispered through a forced grin.

"I suppose you're right, dear," bilaterus smiled. He straightened up once again. "My apologies, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. I'm not sure what came over me."

Linda flicked her hand, "No worries, young man."

They'd narrowly escaped that one. The three canon characters at the table waited until they were able to speak up from the commotion.

"Anyone up for a little extreme baking today?"

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask to be excused," bilaterus said regretfully, standing up from his place. "Blythe and I have dinner plans for this evening. Don't we, sweetie?" he added, a wicked playfulness lurking in his eyes behind his innocent smile.

The flustered American's eyes widened a bit, her face becoming a powder shade of pink, "W-what do you mean?"

"Forgotten already? It's the two-month anniversary of the day we first met."

There was another awkward silence as Blythe stared at him, narrowing her eyes.

"That... that was two days ago."

bilaterus' suave smile dropped instantly. "Oh. Are... are you sure?"

"Yes, bilaterus. I'm sure." She turned to him, leaning against the back of her chair and crossing her arms over her chest in distemperment, "You forgot, didn't you?"

"...Maybe."

Candace smirked, "aw, you were doing so well!"

"Urgh. Why am I not surprised?" groaned Blythe, irritated at her co-writer's predictability.

bilaterus raised a desperate accusatory finger, all gentlemanliness forgotten. "Hey hey, I'm not the only one to blame here! You never remembered either, did you? Otherwise you'd have said something yesterday at least!"

"I wanted to see if YOU'D remember! And, as I expected, you didn't! I'm not going to remind you of all the important events that happen like some kind of calendar!"

"Don't try to pull that on me! You'd have dropped hundreds of angry hints yesterday if that was the case!"

"Know what? It doesn't even matter. It's obviously not important enough for you to remember, so why bother?" Blythe stood up, pushing her chair in and left the room to clean off her plate in the kitchen, "Forget it."

"Of course it mattered to me," bilaterus exclaimed as he too stood up in frustration. "I arranged dinner plans and everything!"

"Yeah, two days afterwards." shouted Blythe from the next room.

"...Details!" bilaterus shouted back. "You know I'm no good with them!"

The room was quiet for a moment while the excitement minimized. The opposite end of the table broke the silence.

"I'm getting an extraordinarily strong sense of deja vu," Lawrence said, puzzled.

"Don't you remember, honey?" Linda said happily as she poked her husband in the arm. "It's like that time when you forgot about our own anniversary."

"Oh yes of course!" Lawrence exclaimed. "How could I forget?"

bilaterus sighed. "Excuse us a moment." With his empty plate in hand, he walked purposefully into the kitchen, to see Blythe muttering to herself as she scrubbed off the remains of her pie. She was too involved in angrily washing and muttering to notice his entrance.

A small smile played across his lips.

He tiptoed up behind her, placing his plate carefully on another surface, until he was directly behind her. Swiftly, he covered her eyes with both of his hands, and into her ears, he whispered:

"Guess who~?"

Startled, she nearly dropped her plate, but calmly exhaled, fighting a smile, "bilaterus, don't scare me like that while I'm washing these dishes!"

"They're fan fiction dishes anyway," he said playfully, still covering her eyes.

She tried her best not to laugh, remembering that she's supposed to be mad at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Washing away your anger with my playful charm. Hehe, 'washing'. See what I did there?"

"Uh huh. Good one." replied Blythe sarcastically, "So remind me why you've temporarily blinded me, oh 'master of charm'?"

"Because you've not guessed who it is yet," he smirked.

"Hmmm...Gee, I dunno." She said, playing along, "This doesn't happen to be bilaterus...?"

"CORRECT!" he exclaimed, lifting his hands from her eyes, overly dramatically. "And the beautiful contestant wins... a suave british guy!"

Blythe giggled. "Oh, goody! So I get to keep Ferb then~?" she teased.

bilaterus frowned in mock disappointment. "Why you gotta go break my heart like that for? Meh, you can have Ferb. I prefer Phineas anyway."

"Oh, surely you don't mean it!"

"I've got enough suave britishness at home already," he winked. "I could really go for some creative american..."

"Well why take Phineas when you can have me~?" she murmured.

"Because you're smelly. In a girly way."

At this, she playfully shoved him in the arm, "Argh! And what's so bad about that? I smell like lilacs!"

"Well Phineas smells too, but in a good way," bilaterus replied, smirking. "And of course, you know what he smells like."

"'Motor oil and confidence!'" they both quoted in unison before bursting into laughter.

"Ah, Phineas and Ferb references," bilaterus sighed happily, wiping an imaginary tear from his eyes. "Can you believe we're actually IN their house? Well, technically 'we're' not in the house, but, well, this is as close as we're going to get."

She looked around for a moment, noticing the emptiness of the room and reducing her voice to a stage whisper, "We never did figure out how to exit this dimension...er wherever we are...And we should probably get back. But I have no idea how we're going to-"

"Hang on, I think I've got an idea!" bilaterus said excitedly, as an epiphany struck him. "don't you remember Phineas and Ferb's Fanfiction Immuniser? We can use that to escape! All we have to do is steal it from them... hehehe."

Blythe took a moment to consider his idea, peering around the corner into the dining room and watching the two inventors finish off the rest of their pie, "Steal it from them? How?"

"We'll how hard could it be?" bilaterus replied, shrugging. "Ooh I know! We can execute that plan we came up with that time!"

"You mean that really complicated and elaborate plan that requires a lot of concentration, teamwork, deception, manipulation, and duct tape?"

"Yeah! And they gotta have some duct tape here somewhere!"

"Hmmm... although that sounds foolproof, I have a plan that's a lot quicker."

The scheming American made her way back into the dining room and stood beside Ferb, waiting politely for him to notice her. bilaterus followed, puzzled.

"Hey Ferb? Can I borrow that fanfiction immunizer for a moment?"

And with that, the immunizer was in her hands and she trekked back to bilaterus's side.

"Thanks!"

"Wh- What?! How did you-?!"

She gave a low chuckle, "all you gotta do is ask. You should try it sometime."

"Anything for the ladies," Ferb said. The sound of fangirls swooning could be heard very faintly in the background.

bilaterus rolled his eyes. "Fine, I will sometime. But where's the pizazz, the panache, the pistachio?"

"...'the pistachio'?"

There was a slight silence.

"I...may be slightly misremembering the meaning of some of those words. But there's still a lack of pizazz."

"Okay, well my tactic may not have had all those fancy things and 'pizazz' or whatever, but I got the device, so it can't be all that bad."

"I want to use the super special awesome super plan at least once! You never let me," he whined.

"So first you forget our anniversary, and NOW you're complaining because I don't let you play with a bunch of duct tape?"

"I- well- er... Ugh, women!"

Blythe held the device out to him, "Do you want this thing or not?"

"Hm, come with you or stay with Phineas and Ferb themselves. Tough one."

"If you don't come with me, you're basically leaving yourself open to me taking liberties on your motor skills like a voodoo doll." she said. "And you've seen what I've done with the characters in my other fan fictions."

bilaterus gasped. "You're just a big meanie, aren't you?"

"Oh yes," she murmured, smirking, "the meanest."

"And, and... insert witty countering insult here!"

"Wow. Smooth."

"So wait, there's one thing I don't understand," Candace interjected. "If you guys aren't a couple, why did you have an anniversary?"

The two authors exchanged glances. "No reason," they said, together. "I mean sure, it's the anniversary of the time we just met, but it doesn't mean anything like that!"

"Are you sure there isn't something going on between-"

"bilaterus!" whispered Blythe urgently, "are you coming with me or not?!"

"Yeah, let's go!" he replied quickly. They both grabbed the device as it activated, gathering energy and glowing with increasing intensity.

Blythe's thoughts swirled as she questioned Candace's accusations.

"Why would anyone think me and bilaterus would be right as a couple, nevermind remotely interested in one another? That's ridiculous! I mean, he's, like, way too smart and...and goofy for my liking! And just because he's British and has that dreamy accent, he thinks he's so cute! And when he teases me all the time! It's-! ...Well, that part's not so bad. Actually, I find the teasing kind of attractive... but he just gets on my nerves so easily and it makes me just so-! Urgh! I mean, he even forgot our anniversary!"

Suddenly, she could tell his eyes were on her during the final moments prior to dissolving into author mode.

"What's he looking at? Is there something in my hair?" she thought, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Meanwhile, bilaterus scoffed as he pondered over Candace's unfounded, crazy questions. "Me? 'Like' Blythe? No way! She's got that weird laugh! Plus, she's crazy and American, and she has a weird sense of humour! I mean, she has a lovely voice, and her hair is a beautiful shade of auburn, and teasing her always feels more special than when I tease other people... but I'm totally not into her!"

He watched as she slowly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as they travelled across the boundaries of possibility and logic.

"Totally...not into her...at all..."

"Woah woah woah, wait a second!" Blythe said aloud. "I just realised. There's absolutely no bold/italicised/underlined text in this chapter!"

bilaterus shrugged, as if to say, "Meh."

"Yeah, you're right. It's no big deal. Still weird though..."


	7. Love?

**Ahh. Feels good to be back in control, doesn't it, Blythe my good acquaintance?**

Yes, yes it does. But why do you always get the bold text and I always end up with the underlined text?

**Because Blythe, my dear friend who is a girl, I've always been bold text...**

So is that supposed to mean I'll never get to be bold text? I'll always be underlined?

**I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Bold is just as good as underlined.**

Well that's easy for YOU to say. You've always been bold.

**What about that time in the first chapter when we were mocking each other in the reversed styles? Good times, good times.**

Well if we both **talked in bold, it'd get confusing.** See? We can't both be bold. Underlined is okay, it's just... ehhhh.

**Urgh! Women!**

Don't "Urgh! Women!" me! It's a simple statement: You're always bold and I'm always underlined. It's an observation. ….What are you implying, that I'm complaining? Do I complain a lot?!

**Only a woman would read so much into an observation like this :p**

I'm not reading too much into this! I'm-...urgh, forget it. There's no use making a fuss over this.

**You can be bold if you like.** Look, I'll even take underline for a while! I like to make you happy... Just as I like making all of my friends happy. Including you. Buddy!

**You're giving me the bold font? Yay! ... That was really nice of you. :) **

You're welcome dear- er, dear friend of mine... :) quick, come up with something to do with Phineas and Ferb and the gang!

**Well I-...I don't know! We already got even with Isabella, so what else could we do? Oh! We could put some Phinbella in this chapter! A few reviewers suggested that!**

Or we could have Phinerb *snickers* ...No wait I was kidding! (Readers, I like Blythe... but she does ship light Phinerb. And by 'like' I totally mean 'like as a friend who's a girl that I argue with a lot', not 'like like'. Obviously.)

**I can read what you're saying, you know. =_= Including what you tell the readers. (He's such a dope. Not in a dumb way, but in a cute way. Um...and I don't mean cute like 'wow, that guy is cute!' but cute like 'awww, look at the puppy! It's so cute!' Not that I think he's as cute as a puppy... he's... know what? Nevermind.)**

I can read what you say too... Nevermind! Let's do Phinbella yay

**Okay, Phinbella time!**

As long as it doesn't end up like Doofenshmirtz wrote it. Gosh, that would be terrible!

**Yeah! Can you imagine what a dumb idea that would be? Writing a Phinbella fanfic in Doof's point of view? I mean, it wouldn't even sound like Doof! And could you imagine if that was co-written by two people? Terrible.**

...So, do we acknowledge the fact that we actually have co-written a Doof-written Phinbella story or leave it at this thinly veiled reference?

**Eh, I think a few of our followers caught that.**

Yeah. And I have actually just mentioned it now, so.

**The beginning of this chapter alone has demolished another huge section of the 4th wall. In fact, I doubt there's even any more 4th Wall left.**

You know I was just thinking that! Our minds are so alike honey- er, dude? Isn't it cool...dude?

**Wow. Did you really just call me 'dude?' Aren't you English or something? Do English people even say 'dude?'**

Well I suppose we do... to our close friends! Yeah, dude! Right on!

***Backs away* You're acting strange today, bilaterus. Are you feeling okay?**

Ah is the, er, the whole dude thing weirding you out? hm, well you are a girl after all, so 'dude' doesn't even work... Sorry, er, pal! Yeah that works... right? It's gender neutral!

**'Pal?' Um... are you sure you don't need sleep? Did you hit your head on your way back to this dimension...or wherever we are?**

Nah! What, are you implying that thinking of a certain someone all night long is keeping me from getting sleep? That's just silly :p Besides, you're clearly in need of a nap too! You look dreadfully tired!

**I don't feel tired! I asked you this because you're acting different since we came back here! Calling me 'dude' and 'pal' like I'm some stranger o-or something! And what do you mean I look dreadfully tired?!**

Ok ok I'll come clean... I've been a little weird because, well, there's been all this talk of us being a couple - which I know is totally ridiculous by the way, totally, of course, right? - so I've been trying to reaffirm that we're just, you know, friends. And nothing more... right?

**A couple? Psh...a couple. I mean, we can barely stand being within the same dimension with each other, nevermind being classified as a couple! Candace and the rest are just... they're just being presumptuous. The reviewers are even worse. Those pesky reviewers, being so nosy...**

Actually dear, I don't think we acknowledge those?

**Why not? You can't deny that they're THERE, reading this. What, do you mean to say that we can't acknowledge the reviewers in a story about breaking the 4th wall?**

There must be some limit, or a time and place for it. Acknowledging them doesn't seem fitting here.

**Alright, fine. But seriously - those reviewers are serious Blytherus shippers. That's our couple name, you know. Blytherus. Kinda sounds like the species name of some sort of dinosaur or a creature that's extinct. Or a death metal band. Or a dragon... or even the potential name of a fanfiction writer...**

Yeah, it's a weird couple name. Rolls off the tongue, just a bit better than 'Bilythe' does :p. I find it... 'nice' we have one though. Not that we're a couple - of course! - but it makes me feel a little special xD

**Do...do you see us as a couple, bilaterus? You and me? I mean...we're friends. Co-workers even. Well, co-writers...which is kind of the same relationship that co-workers have minus the water cooler.**

Pfft. Nooo. I mean sure, sometimes we're... 'playful', and use the odd endearing term now and then, and occasionally joke as if we were an item, but...

**But we're not an item. That's silly. Well, the idea of it isn't that silly... just-... you get what I mean, right?**

Yeah- wait, no not really... I need to lie down!

bilaterus lay down on his back onto the cool grass of the back yard. He let out a large sigh as he looked up into the cloudless sky and tried to calm his muddled mind.

"Ah, that's nice," he breathed happily. "It's nice to be a character sometimes rather than an author. Blythe, you should come and try it!"

**…**

He then settled down and tried to relax.

"Whatcha dooin'?"

It was not Isabella but Phineas that had punctured bilaterus's attempt at meditation. He sat up, sighing deeply once more.

"Hey guys. Just thinking about Blythe."

"Ooh, you've realised you like her! Eh? Eh?" Phineas nudged bilaterus's arm knowingly.

"No, not that!" bilaterus said exasperatedly. "It's... I need time to think about what people are saying about us, and, you know, confirm what our relationship is..."

"We'll that's simple!" Phineas exclaimed. "Do what Kale said in his review. Just kiss her and see if you like it!"

"I believe the heart is too complicated for a solution like that," observed Ferb.

"A relationship doesn't just have to be of that kind Phineas," bilaterus said, facepalming.

"Well I just figured: a boy, a girl, a fanfiction...romance is the foregone conclusion!"

"Thanks for the help guys but I'll figure it out. For now I just want to relax a little."

"Sure, no problem. We're going to head back in. If you need anything, we'll be right inside!" And with that, Phineas and Ferb returned into the house, discussing all manner of things as they returned inside.

bilaterus sighed once again and lay on his back, staring once again at the clouds. "I've not heard from Blythe for a while. She must've done what I've done and come into the story. I wonder what she's thinking right now?"

* * *

"I hate this," sighed Blythe, seating herself on the edge of Candace's bed. She hadn't quite figured out how she'd gone about entering Candace's room or why she would to begin with, but being in there just seemed like the right place to go for a little thinking time.

Plus, it was so...pink...

"I'm so confused!" she glanced over to the vase of flowers sitting on the window sill and removed a daisy from the bouquet, holding it delicately in her palm, "he drives me crazy almost 99% of the time!"

She took another breath, then let it out once again, "but during the other 1%... he drives me crazy...in a totally different way!"

The daisy in her hand seemed to droop as she lamented, a pedal falling toward the carpeted floor. A ray of sunlight lit the room, casting a subtle glare over the window pane as steady footsteps filled the room from behind her.

"What are you doing here!?" Candace demanded. But Blythe remained solemn, continuing to mumble to herself.

"Today, he made it seem like being an item was an impossibility, or rather something preposterous! And maybe he's right - maybe it is."

The impatient redhead leaned against the doorway impatiently, "Um, hello?"

"Maybe it IS silly to imagine what things would be like if we were together. The friendship would be ruined-"

"I said: what are you doing in my room...?"

"there would be no turning back-"

"...with all my stuff..."

"and it would probably be doomed since we're so different-"

"...and my pictures of Jeremy..."

"So that'd be no good. I wish I could talk to someone about this-"

"This is trespassing, you know. On private property."

"Someone who's been through enough drama to understand."

"I'm going to count to three. And when I get to three, I'll-...do something!"

"Someone around my age..."

"One."

"Someone who's available to talk to me..."

"Two."

"Someone who's also a girl..."

"THREE-!"

"Hey Candace?"

"WHAT?"

"I..." breathed the distressed author, barely moving herself to address the combustible teenager in the doorway. "I think I'm having boy issues."

The temperament of the eldest Flynn changed almost instantly. One moment, she was on red alert, the next she was seated next to Blythe across from the window overlooking the backyard, "Alright, alright, I'll listen. As long as you leave my room just the way you came in."

"Agreed."

Candace uncrossed her arms, "Good. Now what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Blythe mumbled from behind the giant Ducky Momo plushy she was clutching tightly. Instinctively, she had grabbed the nearest thing to her.

"Is that biluser-guy being a jerk to you?"

"bilaterus."

"So he is?"

"No! No. He's not, it's just..."

"What's the problem, then?" Candace asked, trying as best she could to read the demure expression on Blythe's face. Immediately, a smile opened up, giving way to a chuckle, "Ah haaaa! I see what this is!"  
"See what? What what is?"

The giddy redhead gave her a nudge, "You like him, don't you?"

"What? bilaterus?! Psh, no way! I do not! Not at all! How could you even suggest that he and I...um... I mean, that I..."

There was a brief pause when Blythe realized she'd been backed into a figurative corner.

"...is it that obvious?"  
Candace only smiled, nodding. She picked up the daisy that had fallen to the ground and handed it back to the troubled author, rising to her feet and peering out the window at the stranger laying on the grass in the backyard, "Tell him how you feel. You know, about liking him and stuff."

"Are you crazy? No way! I don't wanna freak him out!"

Candace took another glance out the window and looked back, "Hmm...something tells me he won't. Trust me on this one."

* * *

Outside, bilaterus had taken to pacing the backyard in a circle, deep in thought.

"Well, I've not heard from Blythe in a while," he said aloud to himself, "so I assume she took my advice and came into the fic, which means I can talk without her hearing me. Let's see now, the question is, do I like her in, well, 'that way'..."

He stopped for a minute, scratching his chin thoughtfully before his eyes lit up. "I just need to approach this logically!

"Ok, let's see... she has that horrible ostrich-y laugh, likes to torment me with giant spiders, tortures the Phineas and Ferb characters, and she's American. AMERICAN. Logically, I should kidnap her and feed her to a Goozim!

"But I really don't want to do that, for some reason."

He started pacing again. "I never thought I'd say it, but maybe logic isn't the right thing to use here. I know! I'll use probability!"

It was at that point he excitedly dug into his pocket for a coin. He took it out and breathed in anticipation, readying himself.

"Ok, heads I like her, tails I don't."

He flipped the coin. It came up tails.

"...That didn't count."

He flipped it again and it spun away from him, landing on the grass.

"Darn it."

He scrambled to pick it up and then, concentrating harder this time, flipped the coin once more. He flicked it up too high and failed to catch it on the way down.

"How can everyone else do this perfectly!?"

He flipped - or at least attempted to flip - the coin a few more times.

"Tails. Darn it. Darn it. Tails."

Then, finally...

"AHA, heads! I knew it! I like her!"

bilaterus skipped a little in a slightly girlish glee. "I have to tell her that I like her! This will be amazing! But what's the best way to do it? I had better practise. 'Hey Blythe, I have something I want to say to you'? No, that sounds too demanding! 'Blythe, I don't know what I'm doing, or what I've BEEN doing, I love you, let's run away together'? No, that sounds too 'Phineas-land'! How about, 'Blythe, I've been doing some thinking and, well...'"

"Whatcha dooin'?"

bilaterus jumped a mile out of his skin. "Argh, Isabella, don't scare me like that!"

She simply giggled. "Were you talking to yourself?"

"Well I- er, actually- yes," he admitted, hanging his head in shame. "H-how much of that did you hear?"

"Oh, just from the part where you started flipping that coin," she said casually as she carefully pinned a 'Recognising the First Sign of Madness' patch on her sash.

The frustrated mathematician sighed. "Well I don't know what to do about this whole Blythe thing."

"It sounds pretty obvious to me. Just tell her you like her."

"Well, the more I think about it, the more scared I get. Especially when I think about you and Phineas."

"Well I bet Blythe isn't as clueless as a brick wall," she smirked.

"But... what if she doesn't feel the same way? I don't want to freak her out!"

Isabella smiled knowingly. "Something tells me she won't. Trust me on this one."

* * *

Meanwhile...

Up in Candace's bedroom, plans were being made between the two teens.

"So you're saying that I just go right up to him.."

"Uh huh."

"And just say 'bilaterus, I...I like you.'"

Candace nodded, "Yes. But be sure to be absolutely clear about it. Don't leave anything vague."

Blythe stood up from her place on the bed, still holding the ducky momo doll in her arms as she traced the corners of the bedroom, "Right, be absolutely clear."

"And keep your head up!"

"Right. Head up!" she repeated, following suit.

"Shoulders poised!"

Blythe adjusted her shoulders, dropping the ducky momo doll, "right!"

Candace stood across from the distressed author, "Look him dead in the eye..."

"Dead in the eye, got it."

"And tell him, 'Bruce Willis, -"

"bilaterus."

"Whatever. 'Bilat-us, I like you. I like you more than a friend.'"

"bilaterus, I like you. I like you more than...more than a- um... a friend."

Displeased, Candace shook her head, "I don't believe you. You say it like someone's telling you to say it. Say it like you mean it!"

"bilaterus, I like you -more than a friend...does..."

"Still don't believe you!"

"bilaterus, I like you m-"

"What's that? I can't hear you!"

Blythe's voice became more rugged; frustrated, "bilaterus, I LIKE-"

"louder!"

"I LOVE YOU, BILATERUS."

A moment passed between the two as Candace recoiled from the abrupt volume change, "Hm. That should do. I think you're ready."

Taking her by the wrist, the fifteen year-old took Blythe back downstairs to the backyard, much to the author's disagreement.

"Wait, no! C-Candace!"

* * *

In the backyard, Isabella was trying to get bilaterus pumped up to admit his feelings.

"Just say what you really feel!" Isabella encouraged.

"Ok," bilaterus shrugged.

"You can do it!"

"I guess so."

"You're ready for this!"

"If you're sure..."

Isabella sighed. "Ok, at least fix that slouch of yours."

The awkward mathematician sighed and straightened up, just noticeably.

"Smile a little."

The corners of his mouth twisted upwards ever so slightly.

"Now, pretend I'm Blythe. Look me in the eye and tell me how you really feel."

bilaterus gazed in her general direction. "Blythe, I like you... because you laugh at my jokes and, well... you're kinda pretty?"

Isabella facepalmed. "Put some feeling into it. This is the girl you really like!"

"Alright, alright."

He then straightened up, his face serious, as if something had switched inside of him. He looked deep into Isabella's eyes. "Blythe, I love you. I love everything about you, your voice, your beautiful face... You're my other half. I want to be with you forever. I don't want to spend another minute unless I'm sharing it with you."

Isabella blinked, stunned momentarily at the emotional speech. "Alright, I think you're ready... Good luck!"

She headed back into the house passing Blythe on the way out, and joined Candace in the living room. Both girls eagerly awaited the scene that was about to unfold between the two authors.


End file.
